Springtime is recognized around the world as a season of rebirth, fresh beginnings and a renewed sense of nymphomania. This spring, however, greeted many Backpage writers with the bitter taste of failure — similar to the taste of octopus droppings (although some cultures do regard this as a delicacy).

With Thanksgiving Break officially over, I can finally get into the holiday spirit by listening to Christmas music like the Drifters "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" or Bing Crosby crooning "I'll Be...