Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 9
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Illustration by Amelia Ebling.

The definitive “The Super Mario Bros. Movie” review

Samantha Fitts, down bad for animated women April 13, 2023

Warning: This review contains spoilers. I hate to admit it, but this movie did not have the right to be as good as it actually was. "The Super Mario Bros. Movie" is a kid’s film first and foremost,...

BREAKING: New Super Mario Bros. Movie trailer has dropped

Samantha Fitts, hot and ready in under 15 minutes December 8, 2022

Well, you know what time it is. Samantha has to make fun of Chris Pratt for another 350+ words because a new trailer for this forsaken movie has dropped. I wonder what she’ll say about Italians this...

“The Super Mario Bros. Movie” teaser proves that Chris Pratt is.

Samantha Fitts, Honorary Italian (New Yorker) October 20, 2022

Welp, it’s finally here — we have now witnessed Chris Pratt’s rendition of Nintendo’s Mario. As expected, it’s terrible. The animation looks great, despite the fact that they stole Mario’s...

Illustration by Madi Welch.

Actors who should play Mario instead of Chris Pratt

Sammy Fitts, Single (X) Taken (X) Gamer(?) October 7, 2021

The internet cried out on the Sept. 23 2021, when Nintendo announced that Chris Pratt would be the starring voice in the Super Mario Bros movie. There is obviously one major problem with this casting:...

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