Whitman Wire

McConnell Rallies Support Against Supreme Court Appointment With Pagan Ritual Sacrifice

Ben Freedman, humor editor

February 25, 2016

WASHINGTON – Late last Wednesday, Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell conducted a traditional Pagan ritual sacrifice deep within his chambers to maintain Republican solidarity against accepting Supreme Court nominees. Hunched over a cauldron containing Obama’s short list of candidates, McConnell...

Liberal Whitties Rejoice at Human Death

Megumi Rierson, staff writer

February 25, 2016

It’s no secret that Whitman students take pride in putting the capital L “Liberal” in Liberal Arts, but this week we have really outdone ourselves. Following legendary Supreme Court Justice Antonin (or Anthony, depending on your allegiances to Michelle Bachmann) Scalia’s sudden death, Whitma...

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