Imagine a sepia tone photo of Whitman College. It’s raining out and a sense of misery pervades campus – think students doing the sad “Peanuts” walk. This is what is to come if our fraternities are not saved from their impending doom at the hands of the scheming Whitman Executives. Well, maybe not exactly… but things would certainly be a lot less fun around here if that were to happen. I realize not everyone’s perception of fun is the same and that this article’s proximity to Power & Privilege will rightly raise some eyebrows, but I think it’s important to differentiate the fraternities of yesteryear from the ones today. Frat culture has changed, and while it’s far from where it needs to be, it’s on the right track. 

You may remember this humble writer’s searing testimony last fall surrounding the regrettable reputation that Whitman fraternities hold. But my job isn’t quite done, a new threat lurks on the horizon, and like Batman to his signal in the sky, I am drawn to action. 

Ever since the COVID-19 pandemic, Greek life has seen a marked decrease in members. In 2019, there were 212 men in fraternities and 254 women in sororities, that’s 31% of men and 29% of women on campus. Compare that to 2024, where just 17% of men and 15% of women are in Greek life. It makes one wonder… are people simply not as interested in Greek life as they once were? If so, why? The answer lies within the mustache twirling work of the Whitman Greek life executives. 

The fraternities represent the last bastions of student freedom from Whitman’s Big Brother-like presence on campus. Fraternity live-ins are the one group where Whitman doesn’t get to play tax collector with students. I hear you say “Oh, well I live off campus, so I don’t pay Whitman for rent either.” Well guess what buddy, the times they are a-changin’. Whitman has increasingly been buying up properties surrounding Whitman so that they can directly control rent prices for juniors and seniors. And if that doesn’t work, they’ll just force everyone to live on campus for all four years. Ask yourself, why does Whitman insist upon building a 75.1 million dollar Junior-Senior housing “village”? What good could come of it for students? Their goals are hardly altruistic, they want to squeeze every dime out of students.

For years now, Whitman has been chipping away at Greek life, inching toward totalitarian control over the student body. They’ve imposed new rules and regulations year after year, surrounding everything from recruitment timetables to what activities are allowed at parties. Did you know fraternities used to be able to host drinking games at parties? What an incredibly novel idea! Now they need to have a “licensed server” at every event that has even a whiff of alcohol. By the way, these licensed servers are none other than Bon-App employees. Yeah, this conspiracy goes deep. This subtle neutering of fraternities is a clear ploy to make fraternities as unattractive as possible whilst still maintaining the veneer of fairness. Whitman can’t simply banish the fraternities without risking the ire – and the loss of donations – of alumni who were themselves members of fraternities. 

For the most part, this scheming has proved fruitful. I fear that we are firmly situated in “The Empire Strikes Back” territory. The fraternities are on the ropes, and Whitman is getting ready to strike a fatal blow. Recently, Top House Tau Kappa Epsilon has been forced to sign an agreement dubiously titled the “Memorandum of Understanding.” Within the confines of this god-forsaken agreement are stipulations that the TKE house must maintain an occupancy level of at least 75% or risk conversion into normal student housing. With a house that could easily occupy upwards of 60 members, this goal is downright unattainable at current Greek life membership levels. The paragon of fraternity life at Whitman is staring down the barrel, and the rest are soon to follow.

My prediction at the beginning may have been a bit heavy-handed, but it nonetheless speaks to the truth that Whitman would be worse without Greek life. The parties, the culture, the fact that they make an introverted school be a little more social, all of that would be gone. Call me crazy, but I believe a brighter tomorrow is possible if we can just mobilize the student body to this goal. To reference my previous metaphor, Star Wars can’t end on “The Empire Strikes Back”, it needs a “Return of the Jedi”.