I wore fake eyelashes for a week: here’s what I learned
February 16, 2023
I consider myself lucky to be alive in a time where women are reclaiming their body hair and fighting against the narrative of body hair being considered “unhygienic.” From a young age, women are expected to be groomed and baby smooth, which is an unrealistic expectation. There are always new beauty fads sweeping the nation, often originating from the fact that society loves to scrutinize and police the way women portray themselves. I’ve taken it upon myself to try one of these instruments that uphold the patriarchy. My conquest: wearing faux lashes for an entire week.
The beauty industry wastes no time in creating a high standard for the alluring assets of women. Whether consciously or not, I’m sure we’ve all fallen prey to the cruelest trap the patriarchy creates – that you are defined by your looks. There is no shortage of new products or hacks to “fix” all the things that are wrong with you. Whiteheads? Try this $70 cream from Sephora; it’s guaranteed to eradicate all your flaws. Puny eyelashes? Good news for you, there is an extensive market for faux lashes.
Monday: It would be a stretch to say that these lashes ruined my morning, and I’m not one with a flair for the dramatic, so I’ll tell it how it is: they definitely contributed to the chaos of my morning and almost made me late for Chorale.
The glue package was advising me to “get it as close to the edge as possible,” and good lord I was trying. Reading the instructions over and over again just made me feel seemingly incompetent when it comes to applying faux lashes. I was close to admitting defeat but, at the last second, I reminded myself that no one cares about my appearance other than me.
I slapped those suckers to my lids, splashed a healthy amount of eyeshadow over the dark glue to try and conceal the clumps, and ran out of Anderson Hall to see Dr. Kemper just in the nick of time.
I felt pretty self-conscious moseying about all day with these caterpillars attached to my eyelids, and I felt the need to continually point out to people that it wasn’t due to the fact that I thought fake lashes were the best invention since sliced bread; I was conducting an experiment on typical beauty standards defined by the male gaze.
Tuesday: Tuesday morning dawned bright and late. Yup, I was running late once again. Sorry, that’s just how I roll. I didn’t have 30 extra minutes to apply the lashes, and I had to forego all faux extravagance. I didn’t even brush my teeth to be honest.
Wednesday: You know how they say practice makes perfect? I’m not really sure if I buy that. I was, unfortunately, no better today at applying false lashes than I was on Monday.
However, I did opt to search for a tutorial on YouTube. A very kind woman named Nicole made it look like the easiest thing in the world, which crushed my ego a little bit. The comments were more validating. One woman wrote, “It looks so easy, I’ve tried this for the past hour and I’m having a mental breakdown rn.” Another commented, “If this is for beginners… how did I end up burning my house down?”
All was tromping along with solid mediocrity until about 4 p.m. when I ventured into the J-caf bathroom and discovered that one of them was falling off my face, and I looked like I’d just outrun the cops. I opted to take them off and try again the next day.
Thursday: I felt like I needed to go for something a little more subtle, so I nabbed some of my friend’s fake eyelashes to expand my eyelash repertoire. I didn’t feel blinded or weighed down the whole day, and I was able to sit with my head straight in class instead of tipping my head back slightly, so it was an overall win. By the end of the day, the massive amount of glue I had caked on was catching up to me, and it was making it increasingly difficult to close my eyes to take an afternoon nap; I ended up shedding them.
Friday: I opted for my friend’s lashes once again and applied them in under 15 minutes … so I’m basically a pro. They were discreet and nice, but I felt I had to up them for my evening antics. I sat down in front of my makeup mirror and got to work. My MO: look as much like a Victoria’s Secret Angel as possible. Oh boy, did I succeed. Truthfully I hated them. They were over the top, and I thought I looked gaudy and trashy. I think this is mostly due to the fact that these are so far from my everyday look, so I felt uncomfortable and uneasy walking around.
After all these trials and tribulations, I’ve come to the strong conclusion that you should do whatever the hell you want with your body. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for the things that you choose to do with your body or body hair. There will always be unattainable standards; that’s just the world we live in. You are more than the stretch marks on your legs or the length of your lashes. The way you look is the least interesting thing about you.
Matt • Oct 12, 2023 at 12:28 am
If you are going to publish an experiment, conduct an experiment, but your half assed attempt at an experiment fails in every way to buoy your opinion. Some women prefer false eyelashes and threaded eyebrows. Your op-ed isn’t about feminism quite so much as laziness. You made the most half assed of attempts to give a fair chance to something you ended up deriding and by extension those who choose to wear them. Blaming the patriarchy for beauty standards is also a lazy and freshman opinion. It’s just simplistic and not well defended in fact you don’t defend that position at all. Quite honestly women are far more judgemental of other women than men could ever be. Your article is an unfortunate example of that, however not all is lost. While this is a lazy example of your talent, one can see the talent in your command and use of language. You are clearly a smart person and capable of writing articles that I would be interested in reading if I knew the effort was there. Write op-ed when you feel impassioned not when you need to pad your grade or resume, because this would do neither in my class. What are you passionate about or what pisses you off??? Strangers daring to comment and critique your articles? That’s fair but you knew the risk when you published it. You know how much more you are capable of showing the world.
Sasha • Mar 2, 2023 at 4:51 pm
I don’t go to Whitman, but I came across your article and wanted to express my beliefs. It’s great to see someone challenging the societal expectations of women and their appearance. It’s important to recognize that the beauty industry profits from promoting unrealistic beauty standards and exploiting women’s insecurities. It’s also important to remember that everyone has the right to make choices about their body and appearance without feeling pressured to conform to these standards. Your experiment with faux lashes highlights the challenges and frustrations that come with trying to fit into these standards, and it’s important to remember that we should prioritize our own comfort and self-expression over conforming to societal expectations. Ultimately, the most interesting and valuable parts of a person lie within their personality, talents, and passions, not their appearance.
eyelash wearer • Feb 27, 2023 at 4:43 pm
I don’t like the use of the word “gaudy” in describing false eyelashes. Most movie stars/people with money engage in eyelash treatments such as profession lash extensions or professionally applied false lashes (I think you gestured at an acknowledgment of this but missed the mark). When professionally applied, lashes aren’t considered “gaudy” or tacky; so the issue in reality is how the lashes are applied and how subtle (read: expensive) they are and what is considered an acceptable way of conforming to beauty standards that do very much exist and are promoted by said powerful individuals. The term “gaudy” is a loaded one— it is rife with class implications (a gesture to the nouveau riche ect) and as false lashes are often used by women of color to conform to unfair standards of femininity, it just feels like the use of this word is shaming the women who choose to wear false lashes rather than successfully critiquing harmful standards of beautiful themselves. I understand where this article is coming from, but much of this language feels clumsy and unprofessional.
anon • Feb 26, 2023 at 5:24 pm
In a slapdash attempt at feminism, the author has fought in reverse. False eyelashes, which are not even a current fashion trend, are posed here as a method by which the patriarchy controls female body hair. The argument could have been one about armpit hair, or leg hair, or even baldness and it would have had some prescience, but unfortunately the first and last paragraphs that sandwich the hastily enacted social experiment in the center do not feel relevant to the modern world or even true. There is a great danger in creating a narrative of oppression and attaching it to mere details of perceived male dominion & it is that anti-feminists will read it and have a good reason to claim that women have no greater problems than those presented here. As a woman choosing to engage with these arguments, it is your responsibility to publish work that progresses our aims rather than diminishing us with a haphazard and ill researched argument.