When I was growing up, the future I envisioned for myself always included two assumptions: first, that I would get married, and second, that I would have children.
I am sure that most girls and young women hold these same assumptions. Certainly, the traditional perceptions of women as wives and mothers are not the binding societal roles they once were, but the expectations they established linger today; these two roles are still considered ones that women usually fulfill. And often, when something becomes usual, it becomes expected.
At some point, I began to seriously consider these roles with respect to my own life. I realized that children did not really factor into my desires to forge my career and travel the world. This is not to say that women cannot do these things and have children at the same time. This is also not to say that I hate children. I simply recognized that I had only been assuming my eventual maternal role because this assumption had been socially ingrained in my psyche. As for marriage, I have no idea if I will find someone I love enough to marry, but I am gradually relinquishing the feeling that it is something I must do.
According to one CNN article, 47 percent of American women between ages 15 and 44 are childless. But while childless women are clearly becoming more common, they are not necessarily becoming more understood. This article discussed common misconceptions about such women and the pressure they experience to be mothers. Laurie White, 43 years old and childless, is constantly questioned about her lack of children. People perceive this lack as White’s “problem” and remind her that there are countless children who don’t have parents, implying that she should at least adopt if she wants to be a good person.
This gets to the misconception that childless women are selfish, which also relates to the perception that motherhood is woman’s biological duty; women are made with the capacity to bear children. Therefore it is their obligation to fulfill that capacity. In order to achieve female equality, we must eliminate such absolutes and recognize the right every woman has to make her own choices about her body. If a woman decides that having children is not for her, do we really want her to be forced to raise a child? Women have the right to determine what is best for themselves, even if that includes not having children.
Another article on The Huffington Post discusses one young woman, Bri Seeley, wanting to go a step further to permanent sterilization. Seeley had always been certain she never wanted children, and long-term consumption of the birth control pill started causing emotional and physical side effects. I understand the reasons behind sterilization: I do not want to continue taking my birth control pill every day for years on end, mainly because long-term dosage causes side effects, like in Seeley’s case. Also, the pill is not 100 percent guaranteed to prevent pregnancy, so if I am certain I don’t want children, I will want permanent birth control.
Undoubtedly, permanent sterilization is perceived by many as too radical; not only would a woman be refusing to utilize her child-bearing capacity, she would be eliminating that capacity altogether. Seeley was consistently refused permanent sterilization until she hit 30, largely because sterilized women under 30 are proven to be more likely to regret their decision. While I do believe in woman’s right to have this procedure, I also understand the minimum age guideline; I’m not sure I would trust myself at age 23 to make a decision that, after several more years of formative living, I would not question at age 30.
My point is, women have every right to decide to be childless or even sterilized. In order to make such women less stigmatized, we must question our assumptions about female expectations on an individual and a societal level. We must loosen our absolute perceptions of roles and recognize the right that all women have to make decisions about their own bodies and lives.
