Every week for two hours, Danielle Hill and Chalese Calhoon sit downstairs in Reid, waiting. They sit alone.
I am wondering why that is.
Danielle is the Director of Client Services at the YWCA. Chalese works for the Walla Walla Police Department in Domestic Violence Services. They want to talk to you about sex. And still, in a semester of waiting, they have never been visited once. Not once.
Whitman works hard to provide avenues of support for students that have experienced sexual assault in any form. What Whitman doesn’t do, however, is make it clear that the city we live in also wants to help.
It is completely impossible to understand how difficult it is for the victim of a sexual crime to report the incident. There are issues of guilt, regret, self-blame, reputation, disgust, fear…the list goes on and on. Telling a stranger you’ve been abused is, for many, hard enough that it’s easier not to.
It’s not easier not to. I promise.
This school is tiny. Agonizingly so. Being harassed by someone you know means being harassed by someone lots of other people know. Making a fuss about it means making a fuss a lot of people hear about.
WRONG.
Not a single resource on campus and off for victims of sexual assault implies action is taken against the perpetrator. Even going to the police, as Chalese will point out to you if you go to see her, means you will get an escort to the hospital and you will hear about your legal rights and choices. No one will force you to do anything. But it starts with you. You have GOT to do something.
Chances are you will not have this column next to you when you’re in a situation that results in sexual assault. But if you’re reading it, learn it. It’s telling you to not go back to bed. Call the police. Call the YWCA. They will take care of you. They will let you throw up and scream and cry because you have been attacked and that is what you need to do. And they’ve seen it. They know. You will go to the hospital and you will get taken care of. This is not making a fuss. This is surviving.
Taking legal action is much easier when the incident is recent. Like haven’t changed your clothes recent. But even short of pressing charges there are choices you can make. Change classes. Change houses. Go home for awhile. Start going to the Counseling Center every week. Whitman employs people whose specific job is to help you take these steps. Still not making a fuss. Still surviving.
If the campus is too small, go to the YWCA. It is a building that houses women that will take care of other women. You will not be coddled if you do not want to be coddled. But you will be supported. Chances are, because we live in this world, you will meet someone who’s been where you are. And that might help. A lot.
There are a lot of reasons why letting a hookup go too far the first weekend of your first year in college might not seem like sexual assault. There are more reasons why it DOES count. If you said no at any point, but more importantly if you DID NOT SAY YES, it counts. Consent is not sexy. It is the only option. It is. The only. Option. If consent is not present, it is not sex. It is rape. It is not a hookup. It is an assault. And you are allowed to treat it as such.
This is not a sexist column. I have avoided placing gender in any of these situations as victim or perpetrator. If you are a male and have been abused, you have all the same options. Danielle and Chalese also want to talk to you.
And so we come back to the main floor in Reid, once a week, for two hours, while Danielle and Chalese sit. They come bearing pamphlets. They come bearing experience. They want to answer questions and list options. But questions aren’t being asked and options aren’t being sought. Sexual harassment gets covered up. People trained to teach us about it, at the time in our lives when we are most likely to be experiencing it, are being ignored.
Ask the front desk when they are there. Look out for the sign in front of the door on Thursdays that announces their presence. Please, please. Do not just live through a sexual assault. Survive it.
