I got stepped on today. I was heading to class when the weight of a giant’s leg creased my foot. I wasn’t mad, though. I just thought: Being tall must be nice. 

At five feet, I don’t know what it’s like to not worry about getting stepped on, or to move through a crowd without gasping for air — but I’ve always wondered.

So, I went to the basketball house, craned my neck skyward to Marko Mihajlovic, 6’6″, whose neck was bent to fit beneath his low-ceiling basement, and asked what being tall was like.

“Turning around and hitting people happens to me a lot.” 

When asked if he ran into door frames, Marko ran his hand over the back of his head. “Hold on, I’m trying to see if I can still find that bump.” After finding it, he added, “A minor head injury happens once a week. You’ll hear swearing in Serbian and know I just hit my head.” 

I then went upstairs to ask Ali Efe Isik, 6’ 3″, about being tall. “If I was your height, I couldn’t pull any girls – and that would be bad.”

Ali also shared some upsides. “Your steps are longer, but you can walk slower. I notice when I’m walking with a shorter person, it’s like they’re jogging next to me.”

“I also see people’s bald spots – sometimes they try to hide it. It’s funny.”

But these insights weren’t enough. I needed to talk to someone with the absolute tallest view I could think of. Someone who literally looked down on every single student, professor and even many buildings – so I went to Juli Dunn’s office. 

However, I didn’t ask a single question, not just because she wasn’t doing interviews until The Wire “cleaned their ethical practices,” but because there was no need. 

I could literally see everything – from unparallel-parked cars to the inside of Kim Chandler’s office – even people stripping in the birdbath. Nothing blocked my view, and best of all, I could see it all without worrying about stepping on anyone – showing that being naturally tall offers no advantage an artificially elevated short person doesn’t already have.