Halloween weekend has come and gone, leaving you with one question on your mind: Why weren’t you invited to all the parties? You know that the frat houses were throwing ragers, you heard “Monster Mash” halfway across campus! Even Reid Campus Center had a party that you weren’t invited to. Reid! Famously the most ‘open-invitation party place’ in Whitman, and they didn’t send a single email invite! You’re probably hanging your head right now, thinking you’re the world’s biggest loser… and you’d be right. The entire party world conspired to not invite you to a single event! 

‘Why,’ you ask, ‘why me and not the kid in my GENS class who smells like cheese?’  There’s your first problem: you’re in a GENS class! And you’re mocking a fellow classmate for something he (probably) can’t control! Cheese-boy probably told everyone that you had bad vibes, which serves you right, you insensitive little freshman! 

Also, (I hate to say it), I bet your hand-eye coordination is TERRIBLE. You’d make beer-pong look like a horrific sporting accident– the ‘nine injured and three dead’ kind of sporting accident. You’re not supposed to hurl the ball at the opponent and hope they slap it into their cup in a fit of panic, you’re supposed to gently toss it as if blowing a kiss. Don’t even think about practicing your technique on your own time! If your roommate walks in and catches you setting up solo-cups, whatever meager social life you had will be ruined. Permanently. 

Whatever the reason, the fact remains: You weren’t invited to the party. You’d better spend your Thanksgiving break thinking about what you’ve done… or, you know, spend time with your family and not the jerks who didn’t invite you to their party.