The definitive answer to when you can listen to holiday music

Carmel Stephan, The Grinch

Illustration by Eleanor Amer.

November is upon us, and with its arrival, comes the age-old question: when is it appropriate to start listening to winter holiday music? Some eccentrics begin listening the second September rolls around; others enjoy it year-round (though these people live in a state of chaos and denial I would not survive in). Both of these groups are subject to eye rolls and side glares by scrooges who refuse to enjoy any festivity until the late days of December. 

So, when is the sweet spot to begin relishing in your favorite holiday tunes without judgment from other people? Centrists will give the classic bullshit answer, “Whatever is right for you.” Or, “Don’t let others’ judgment bother you.” I want something more concrete. Not only will I always care what other people think of me; as a woman of extreme decorum, I demand for there to be a set in stone date for when everyone is allowed to listen to holiday music. 

My prayer was finally answered.

Last Tuesday, all streaming platforms — in a miraculous and monumental collaboration with one another — agreed on Nov. 5 at exactly 11:30 a.m. This will be the official time and date that these platforms will begin to openly advertise holiday music. This date was chosen to give the spirits ample time to have brunch before departing.

Before this time, only select holiday tracks will be available online. Select tracks will not include Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” — apologies to the lawless people who listen to that song in the month of May. However, My Chemical Romance’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” will be available year-round, as that holiday classic is so artful it transcends the season it designates itself to.