Dear Auntie Lee,
I came to Whitman assuming I wouldn’t need a car since Walla Walla is smaller than my hometown, but now my eyes are open to all the benefits a car could provide me with. But I’m a (non-trust fund) college kid, and don’t got the funds … Auntie, what are some transportation methods that are more affordable than a car but more efficient than my own two feet?

From,
15,000 Steps a Day On Average

My sweet 15k,

I feel you! Actually I don’t, since I hate driving more than life. But fret not, for my genius is boundless, so I’ve got your back with these options:

Bikes. While only half the number of wheels that a car has, a bike can easily get you from here to there while getting some endurance training in and helping you fit in as a true Whittie. We can’t all shell out for a brand new set of wheels at Allegro, but never fear! There are enough scattered carcasses of half-stolen bikes across town to get your DIY on and build-a-bike. Imagine the pride you’ll feel riding around on your very own Frankenstein masterpiece.

Scooters. They’re badass. Electrics make you look like a jackass and I’ll punch you in the face for having one, and they’re expensive anyway. Wanna feel nostalgic? Ask for a Carbon Lux Razor Scooter as a gift and zoom in circles around Ankeny all afternoon like you’re ten again–you know, like the last time you felt genuine joy.

Befriend motorists. Maybe if you actually put yourself out there and made some fucking friends that actually care about you for once, you’ll have a diverse supply of road resources to pull from. Just some tough lovin’ from Auntie.

Steal someone else’s car. With just a few downsides (still having to pay for gas, and also a possible grand theft auto charge), if you’re really craving all the advantages that come with a car, this option is well worth the effort. Depending on what’s available, you can choose your own make and model, so browse around!

Happy travels!
Auntie Lee