28 point agenda for the perfect Four Day

Kiara Paninos, (Hesitant) Possum Enthusiast

Another fall, another Four Day. 

Not even COVID-19 could stop the 2020 Fall Break Procrastination Bonanza from happening. But what was there to do besides carpooling to Portland and sneezing on strangers? We combined this year’s most popular Four Day activities to bring you The New and Improved Perfect Four Day Agenda for the Average Whitman Student (copyright pending). 

Maybe you can use it next year!

  1. Start the break off by binge watching all of the “Try Guys” on YouTube
  2. Be sad your hair doesn’t look like Eugene’s
  3. Stare at a wall until someone asks you what you’re doing
  4. Tell them you’re meditating and re-centering yourself after the lamest September in history (even though you were actually thinking about how you want to adopt that wild-eyed possum you saw the other night on the road)
  5. Remember that you do not know how to care for a possum
  6. Agree to go on a camping trip 
  7. Be informed that you are going to be a fifth wheel on the camping trip
  8. Too late to back out now, sucker!
  9. Sanitize your hands with a Bath & Body Works gel that’s 90% **glitter**
  10. Tell yourself you’ll save your homework for after the camping trip
  11. Reluctantly go on the camping trip
  12. Look for stray possums to sneak into your bag
  13. Pretend you are fine and not-at-all uncomfortable with your fifth-wheeledness
  14. Drink your little heart out in an attempt to prepare for the awkwardness of sleeping between two couples in a tent
  15. Drunkenly fall asleep next to the fire
  16. Wake up with approximately one million mosquito bites and swear to never camp again
  17. Go home and shower, you grimey little goblin
  18. Say you’ll do your homework after you take a short nap
  19. Take a nap that just turns into you going to bed at 4 p.m.
  20. Hop on Depop and online shop until you find this pair of faux leather pants that you just have to get, even though you never wear anything but Patagonia and American Eagle. Whatever fills the void.
  21. Watch the new “Try Guys” video that came out while you were away camping and wonder if you should start a YouTube channel
  22. LOL like you have the charisma for that 
  23. Think about how nobody says ROFL anymore
  24. Plan another camping trip for next weekend
  25. Google how to make your freshly updated iPhone more `~*aEsThEtiC*~`
  26. Eat an entire jar of peanut butter while you change your app icons
  27. Realize it’s 11 p.m. on Sunday and you have two essays and 50 pages of reading due the next day
  28. VOTE