With in-person discussions banned, teachers across the country have turned in desperation to students’ worst nightmare: the Canvas discussion board. “Please post 5-6 sentences about the reading and then respond to one other person” are words that can bring tears to any student’s eyes. 

Having to type everything out just makes it so much harder to pretend we actually did the reading. All discussion boards end up following the exact same format, just with different filler words, proving we’re all just a bunch of posers. But what do the posts look like before the filler words have been added? To answer this burning question, here is a typical Canvas Discussion post: decoded.

Did N. Treed: 

I like how the reading brought up the War of 1812. This war occurred in 1812. I think this is an important part of history and relevant to the context of the story. The war of 1812 was part of the Sixty Years’ War. The Sixty Year’s War was long because it lasted 60 years.

Translation: 

I don’t know anything. I found the stuff about the wars on wikipedia. I am now just trying to meet the sentence count. Just two more sentences to go! Okay, I’m done.

Bada T. Riting: 

Hi Did, I really liked what you said about the War of 1812. I agree that it happened in 1812. But allow me to play devil’s advocate for a second. What if the war actually started in 1811? I think that would change something about the Sixty Years’ War.

Translation: 

Hi Did, allow me to be a good-for-nothing imbecile for a second. I must find a way to establish that I am smarter than you (and thus superior) in order to get a better grade. If only I knew something about the War of 1812. Hmmm…guess I’ll just ask a question that makes no sense at all so everyone else will totally assume I know what I’m talking about. Yeah, basically the best plan ever.

Did N. Treed:

 Hi Bada, good point. A lot to think about.

Translation: 

????? This kid has no idea what they’re saying.

Professor Fred Up: 

Hi Did, this is one idea on how to approach the reading! I was actually hoping you would talk more about what happened in the chapter. Next time try and focus on ideas and not just the really obvious facts.

Translation: 

This is the one idea that sucks the most, so thanks for that, Did. Can’t believe I have to clarify this tbh. Discussions work so much better when the awkward silence seeps into their souls and forces them to speak.