On Monday night, the Walla Walla Police Department responded to an urgent report that someone was found after-hours in the basement of Whitman College’s Reid Campus Center. According to a member of the college’s Office of Security, they saw lights coming from the lower windows of the building around 1:00 a.m. and proceeded to investigate. What they found, however, justified immediate police backup.

After following a lengthy trail of toenail clippings, Walmart eyeglasses and $1 bills later found to be from winning The Voice of Walla Walla, the security staff came upon Anthony Reale, a junior at Whitman College. Evidently, Mr. Reale had used his skills as a theatre technician to install a false wall near the bookstore. After uttering the secret password ‘Reid is love; Reid is life,” the wall opened to unveil Mr. Reale crouched on a makeshift bed of cool-colored sweaters and recently-dead birds.

Entering the very damp and dusty room to confront the squatter, police were viciously hissed at by Mr. Reale (this being the reason behind his new nickname, “The Reid Rat”) and promptly left, stating that this job was beyond their capabilities. Currently, Mr. Reale can still be found in his secret hideout, reading over his Bon Appétit order and making unnecessary edits to Winston’s newspaper articles.