Study Finds Tension Between Greek and Non-Greek College Students Dates Back to Prehistoric Period

Rebecca Gluck, Eighth Grade Boy

Many of us consider the split between Greek and non-Greek college students a modern-day phenomenon. Many of us, however, would be wrong. In a recent study, the Center for Fraternity and Sorority Research (CFSR) found that even our dinosaur friends could not resolve the tension between Greek and non-Greek creatures.

According to the study, which gathered its information from fossils, dinosaur drawings and records of prehistoric chapter meetings, there were five dinosaur sororities and five fraternities that functioned in opposition to several Indie dino groups. Especially notable was the weekly brawl between the top dinosaur sorority, Delta Beta Theta, and the top Indie group, Rexes-R-Us. These fights involved head-butting, clawing and ripping the opponent’s head off.

Drawings done by several skilled dinosaur artists reveal that clashes between the two groups were usually bloody and solved absolutely nothing. In fact, dinosaurs occasionally became confused about which group they were a part of. Greeks often ended up killing their own “sister” or “brother,” while Indie’s murdered fellow Indies. It is unclear whether or not these “mistakes” were intentional.

Current experts on Greek and non-Greek relations say there is much we can learn from the dinosaurs’ experiences. Tara Dactile, the head of CFSR asserted: “I think the prehistoric time period has shown us that even when we divide ourselves into Greek and Independent groups, we are all essentially the same violent, blood-thirsty monsters. I don’t know about you, but I find that very comforting.” With the ongoing debate about Greek life, it is clear that we have much to learn from our prehistoric friends.