Ah, how the life is bitter for those who cannot taste the all its fruit. Recently, I was visited by a greater being, a being from the beyond, who I fully cannot comprehend the power of–no conception of a god or wizard or monster can accurately equate this being.

It all started when I was sitting in a hammock in my backyard and I was visited by a craft no human could imagine; a saucer beyond comprehension itself landed on the gravel, releasing a being I can only describe as “whack.”

Immediately upon greeting me with a few shrieks and gurgles, the being asked me–in perfect English no less–what an elevator is.

Truly, dear reader, I had to stifle a chuckle.  All this pomp and circumstance? A saucer coming to visit Smalla Smalla just to inquire what the fuck an elevator was? Although, who am I to accuse aliens of being obsessed with something menial. Maybe the state of alien politics makes this the most pressing issue for aliens today–kind of like our systematic destruction of our ecosystem? I digress.

“Well, it’s almost like a spaceship,” I began to explain. “But it stays inside of a very specific building.”

“sskkkrrreeeuuuuu What keeps the building from collapsing due to the power of its neon-combustion engines? uuururueesskkk,” the being responded.

“Non, nous utilisons toujours l’hydraulique sur terre,” I countered.

“Skkrkekkeeuuu Okay.  Shhhrhhrrnnn,” said the being.

After this brief exchange, the being disappeared into the craft, soaring off to an unknown destination.  And I realized that I spoke in fucking French.

Until next time, lovely reader, stay tumultuous, stay slippery, stay copacetic.