NASA (Naughty Airplane Sex Adventure) announced their plan to launch Hawaii into space yesterday. In the press conference, Dr. StePh.Den McSmartt mentioned that Hawaii, already the loneliest of all the states, needed to leave because “Honestly, who puts pineapple on pizzas? How is that okay?” He is fed up with disappointing pizza even being an option.

Starting next Tuesday, NASA submarines equipped with jetpacks will travel underneath the islands, and will lift them beyond the Earth’s atmosphere and into outer space. “Everybody living there will still be fine,” said McSmartt, “They’ll pick up enough atmosphere on their exit to sustain themselves in space.” However, Hawaiians will not be able to access the internet or make phone calls, effectively cutting them off from the pizza-making market.

“Since Hawaii is already off in its own corner of United States maps, it’ll be easy to just white-out or sharpie over,” pointed out McSmartt. NASA is excited to create their first constellation, and is holding an office-wide raffle to name it.