What Some Professors Do on 3-Day Weekends

Rebecca Gluck, Candle Designer

The three-day break last weekend gave students and professors a chance to relax, work on schoolwork and experiment with potent forms of recreational drugs. Among the professors who chose the latter option, William Brown, a chemistry professor, and Ari Stottle, a philosophy professor, were willing to share their experiences.

Brown and Stottle traveled to Seattle in Brown’s VW Van and attended a rave. “All of my students told me it was the most mentally stimulating experience they ever had, so I knew I had to go,” Stottle said, fanning the smoke that followed him as he emerged from his office.

Although the deafening music and modern dance moves made both PhD holders uncomfortable, they embraced the fishnets-as-pants style and adjusted to the idea of potentially seeing more students than they ever imagined they would. Brown was seen stuffing colorful smoothie-flavored Tums into his pockets for research, while several attendees observed Stottle having a philosophical epiphany near the punch bowl.

“The best part of my weekend, and maybe even my life, was when I crowd-surfed over the sea of neon body suits and glitter tattoos. I’ve never felt so connected to myself or to this beautiful, mysterious world,” Brown reflected.

Upon returning to Whitman, Brown and Stottle were disappointed to find that their colleagues disapproved of their behavior. Practically every department chastised them for “losing control of themselves.” The two professors, however, could not help but notice the shy, tenured economics professor who smiled at them and then accidentally wandered into the chemistry lab.