Mathleen Kurray Victorious in the Octagon

Trevor Lewis, staff writer

Though many have questioned the somewhat unorthodox fundraising method, Mathleen Kurray donned her finest spandex and traditional mask last Saturday to participate in what has been called one of the bloodiest smackdowns in WWE history. After executing several gut-wrenchingly brutal elbow drops on a terrified John Cena, Mrs. Kurray reportedly raised her sweat-drenched arms to the crowd and screamed “Valhalla awaits” before diving into the cheering masses to look for a stainless steel folding chair. She then proceeded to vanquish the rest of her foes on the mat of glory with the use of a ladder, a pinball machine, and a strategic alliance with the undertaker. I got the opportunity to sit down with the fledgling WWE superstar and Whitman College President after she stepped backstage and the cries of her mangled victims became lost amongst the roar of the bloodthirsty masses.

BP: Mrs. Kurray, I’d like to thank you for agreeing to fit this interview into your busy schedule.

Kurray: No problem.

BP: So how did this fundraising idea come to mind?

Kurray: Well, there’s only so much you can do, attending wine galas, cold calling the distant relatives of current Whitman students and leaving long, teary voicemails on John Stanton’s answering machine. Sometimes you need to think outside the box. If that means crushing an aluminum trash can with macho man Randy Savage inside, then so be it. This is a pivotal time for Whitman and we administrators need to do whatever we can to ensure future financial solvency.


BP: Well that’s all we have time for today. Thanks Kurray for taking time out of your busy schedule of fundraising and reigning supreme over the cage of pain to talk with me today.

Kurray: The pleasure was all mine.