Illustration by Claire Revere. 

Market analysts were able to confirm today that this has indeed been the most precipitous decline in white guilt on campus since George Bridges claimed to “have one black friend.” Whitman’s new mascot, The Fightin’ Ivory Towers, is rapidly gaining popularity with the student body.

“I feel that the mascot change was a necessary one and did much to confront the systemic racism running rampant in our society. I mean, I’m a Seahawks fan who grew up in San Francisco. I know what it is like to feel the unbearable sting of discrimination,” shouted first year Todd Ingle while atop his father’s convertible. Other praise included, “What was our mascot again?,” “Does Whitman have sports teams?” and “Who are you? How did you get in here? Why are you asking me about mascots during my colonoscopy?”

The mascot change has, however, not garnered universal approval amongst the student body. “I think that the reference to towers is extremely offensive. Think about it, they are basically just large phallic tributes to a male-dominated society. The ivory part I also take issue with because of elephants or something,” said sophomore and proud owner of at least three Nalgene bottles, Leah Doppleman.

The administration also felt the need to comment on this momentous occasion. Pat Spencer, who recently emerged from his subterranean lair to bring forth a thousand years of darkness and academic exceptionalism, said that, “We the administration condone the mascot change orchestrated by you puny mortals. It is important that we not celebrate a history of oppression, as havoc rains down from the heavens and my invincible army of deans overruns your pathetic defenses.” It certainly would seem that, love it or hate it, the Fightin’ Ivory Towers are here to stay.