A rundown of campus, for all of our visitors!

• Admissions
  • Skewing statistics to make school seem less White.
• Anderson Hall
  • Retractable curtains providing ample room for shower orgy
  • Sexiled first-year pretending that section lounge couch is comfortable.
• Prentiss Dining Hall
  • Eggplant stuffed beyond all logical reason
  • Broken waffle maker instigating a riot
• Jewett
  • 8 day old vomit in stairwell quietly breeding disease
  • Student being consumed by bed crack
• Douglas
  • Student wondering if there is life beyond his suite.
• Marcus
  • Solitary pool table creating too much of a disturbance.
• Prentiss Hall
  • Solid gold steps being installed to improve morale.
  • Girl breaking out in hives from overexposure to estrogen.
• Sherwood Athletic Center
  • Baseball player that nobody has seen in their entire life.
  • Overzealous Kappa enrolled in 3 pilates classes.
• Climbing Wall
  • Need Chacos to gain admission
• Cordiner Hall
  • Nobody giving a shit about special guest speaker.
• Lyman Hall
  • MRSA outbreak traced to bathtub.
• North Hall
  • RA secretly hoping that residents will throw a party.
  • Junior hasn’t stopped playing WOW for 67 hours straight
• Around campus generally
  • Squirrels bringing down fully grown human
  • Student was beheaded by a Frisbee here
  • Parched sidewalk being carefully tended.
  • First year friendships slowly crumbling into dust.
  • Sweet onion the size of a pumpkin being worshipped as deity.
• IHC area
  • Too many fucking sombreros
  • Labor intensive program happening that nobody knows about.
• Lakum Duckum/Narnia
  • Aslan sighted here
  • Student contemplates family of ducks, wishes he had friends.
• The Organic Garden
  • Rampant Instagram photos being taken
• Memorial
  • Actively pretending to give a fuck about divestment.
  • Office of someone you’ve never heard of.
• Reid
  • ASWC President fantasizing about having actual power.
  • Committee about having too many committees.
• Olin East
  • Student taking luxurious poop in private bathroom
• Olin
  • Professor pre-gaming Encounters to combat general feelings of apathy.
  • 5000 pages of Chaucer assigned
• Science Building
  • Students loudly discussing their Med School qualifications.
  • Undercover meth lab being run out of Orgo supply closet.
  • BBMB major contemplating hope, freedom.
• Maxey
  • Sexually-threatening statues
• Tamarac
  • Student hasn’t showered in 28 days to impress roommates.
  • Hallways replaced with slacklines.
• Library
  • Site of 1965 Hunger Games-style bloodbath to be the last student to leave the library.
  • Rolling chair exodus.