A rundown of campus, for all of our visitors!
Admissions
Skewing statistics to make school seem less White.
Anderson Hall
Retractable curtains providing ample room for shower orgy
Sexiled first-year pretending that section lounge couch is comfortable.
Prentiss Dining Hall
Eggplant stuffed beyond all logical reason
Broken waffle maker instigating a riot
Jewett
8 day old vomit in stairwell quietly breeding disease
Student being consumed by bed crack
Douglas
Student wondering if there is life beyond his suite.
Marcus
Solitary pool table creating too much of a disturbance.
Prentiss Hall
Solid gold steps being installed to improve morale.
Girl breaking out in hives from overexposure to estrogen.
Sherwood Athletic Center
Baseball player that nobody has seen in their entire life.
Overzealous Kappa enrolled in 3 pilates classes.
Climbing Wall
Need Chacos to gain admission
Cordiner Hall
Nobody giving a shit about special guest speaker.
Lyman Hall
MRSA outbreak traced to bathtub.
North Hall
RA secretly hoping that residents will throw a party.
Junior hasn’t stopped playing WOW for 67 hours straight
Around campus generally
Squirrels bringing down fully grown human
Student was beheaded by a Frisbee here
Parched sidewalk being carefully tended.
First year friendships slowly crumbling into dust.
Sweet onion the size of a pumpkin being worshipped as deity.
IHC area
Too many fucking sombreros
Labor intensive program happening that nobody knows about.
Lakum Duckum/Narnia
Aslan sighted here
Student contemplates family of ducks, wishes he had friends.
The Organic Garden
Rampant Instagram photos being taken
Memorial
Actively pretending to give a fuck about divestment.
Office of someone you’ve never heard of.
Reid
ASWC President fantasizing about having actual power.
Committee about having too many committees.
Olin East
Student taking luxurious poop in private bathroom
Olin
Professor pre-gaming Encounters to combat general feelings of apathy.
5000 pages of Chaucer assigned
Science Building
Students loudly discussing their Med School qualifications.
Undercover meth lab being run out of Orgo supply closet.
BBMB major contemplating hope, freedom.
Maxey
Sexually-threatening statues
Tamarac
Student hasn’t showered in 28 days to impress roommates.
Hallways replaced with slacklines.
Library
Site of 1965 Hunger Games-style bloodbath to be the last student to leave the library.
Rolling chair exodus.