Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Ten Things that Will Get You Weird Looks or Cause People to Question Your Convictions

1. If you think your degree will help you have a career in the field you studied.

2. If you wear high heels, fur coats, spray-tans and bronzer. Caveat: The fur coat was your grandmother’s or you bought it from a thrift store. If you are in heels and you aren’t going to a function, people will be thinking, “Oh, poor her, she’s succumbed to the pressures of the gender binary and constructions and is subjecting herself because she’s been told it’s beautiful by the media.”

3. If you supported Romney/Ryan with pin, poster, shirt and other paraphernalia. If you supported Romney/Ryan here, you are the minority. You may be blamed for perpetuating sexism, stealing rights away from women and ignoring global climate change. We all have the rights to our own opinions, but if you go around displaying your Republicanism, you might have to explain yourself. As the “token Republican” in any given class, you may get asked for the “Republican opinion” on matters.

4. If you have purple, blue, green, pink, yellow, orange hair: “Are you doing a gender studies project? Are you in ‘The Tempest?'”

5. If you admit that you don’t go to the gym, don’t work out, don’t play a sport, don’t do yoga, meditate, climb or any other physical activity and don’t want to and you aren’t Kyle Seasly. Prepare for judgment. I’d suggest you start a coalition to protect each other.

6. If you love Bon App. We all like to think we could cook more healthy meals with vegetables we picked from our own gardens and eggs from our own chickens, but college students who live off campus eat eggs and quesadillas. No salad bar. No POG.

7. If you talk about the hefty price of your Patagonia. We like to think we are super utilitarian. We under the delusion that our clothes are the best because they are comfortable, warm and good for running, scaling mountains and camping. But what the average Whittie owns is not cheap and sometimes comparably priced with office wear. Birkenstocks, at least one hundred bucks; the fleece, rain shell, polypropylene shirts, running shoes––even more money. It would be stupid to wear Carhartts to an interview at Morgan Stanley, even if you think that they may have you doing hard labor carrying file cabinets. Don’t make the excuse that your office building will be the first attacked during the zombie apocalypse. It won’t.

8. If you sport Prada, Gucci, Burberry, Juicy, people will wonder why you paid so much for a brand that “means nothing,” that you are trying to display your wealth because that is what will get you more popular: status. At least that is what we have been taught.

9. If you don’t like thrift shopping.(And you don’t like Macklemore either!)

10. If you say that you identify with the capitalist system and intend to make a lot of money when you leave Whitman. “Why would you want to make money when you could live an honest life in the wilderness with those whom you love?”

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