Good/Bad Weekend Scenarios at Whitman

Tabor Martinsen

There are two types of people in this world: those who have good weekends and those who have bad weekends. At Whitman, sometimes there is a fine line that separates those two, as is seen in these very realistic scenarios:

Good Weekend: You and your friends head out for a night in town where you have the pleasure of unexpectedly running into many of your peers and classmates.
Bad Weekend: You and your friends head out for a night in town where you have the misfortune of unexpectedly running into many peers and classmates who were, ironically, the exact people you tried to avoid by getting off campus and coming into town.

Good Weekend: To your delightful surprise, you look outside the library window and see that Whitman has a flash mob performing across Ankeny. You put your laptop down and hurriedly scamper to join the spontaneous fun.
Bad Weekend: To your horror, you realize that the excited-looking group of people you thought was a flash mob turns out to be a poorly organized, overly passionate neo-feminist rally. You frantically sprint back to the library, where, to your devastation, you find that not only has your cozy bean bag spot been commandeered, but your laptop and Hello Kitty backpack stolen.

Good Weekend: Your parents unexpectedly fly up to visit. They decide to take you out to a nice dinner where all three of you share a wonderful evening of reminiscing and feeling proud of your college accomplishments.
Bad Weekend: Your parents unexpectedly fly up to visit. To make matters worse they take you out to an overcrowded and overrated dinner at Green Spoon to inform you of their utter and total disappointment in your immaturity and failure to grow up and “see the bigger picture.” Consequentially, they decide to stop paying for your education. Your night is only made worse by a backfired attempt to distract your parents from their disappointment in you with a poorly timed joke about how Green Spoon should probably change its name to Green Goon because all the waiters have funny-looking faces.

Good Weekend: You finally get together with the girl you have been eyeing for months. She doesn’t even wake you up when she leaves in the morning, and when you tell your roommate later that day, he gives you a congratulatory fist pump.
Bad Weekend: Your girlfriend finally realizes that you like to watch “Tangled” every weekend not because you think it’s an “enduring” Disney movie but rather because you think that Rapunzel is hot. You are unabashedly ashamed when she calls you a pervert and says it’s over. After informing your roommate, he notifies you that he thinks now is “a good time” to let you know that he was jealous of your relationship and poked holes in all your condoms as a prank.