(Un)admitted Students Day

Tabor Martinsen

The lesser known but far more entertaining Unadmitted Students Day (or Rejected Students Day, as some cheeky admissions officers refer to it as) happens this upcoming weekend every year.

This much less prestigious honor is offered to high school students who were not admitted into the college, but are still interested in seeing what they will be missing out on. The day begins at 7 a.m. in North Hall, where students are given an insipid croissant to last them through their uneventful morning. The students are led to the Reid Ballroom, where, for the next five hours, President George Bridges glares at them from behind a podium, occasionally shaking his head in utter disappointment, while silently sighing and muttering juicy little tidbits like “They don’t even deserve to see this bowtie” and “waste of time.”

After lunch, the students are given an accelerated tour of the campus. The tour guide (who is hastily riding a bike) only speaks forward and at a constant speed of 12.5 mph. So, any of the students who desire to take in the information must attempt to keep up with the guide by running alongside. The tour becomes more interesting as Whitman’s larping club is asked to bludgeon ye olde rejected students to please their majesty, King Bridges.

The rejected students are “allowed” to fly home, but only after each one of them is asked to put a fist into the air and exclaim, “Proud to be a Rejected Student!”