Dear readers,

I thought I would introduce myself and this column by sharing with you the list of some of my greatest pet peeves. I know this isn’t totally in line with the title of the column, but let’s be honest: This isn’t about to become a weekly feature. It makes more sense to detail the most heinous offenses. And anyway, this shit is bothering me this week. It has been bothering me every week since I enrolled here.

1. Dishes left in the sink

And by “dishes left in the sink,” I mean “how everyone says they hate having dishes in the sink and then they still don’t clean their cereal bowls and put them on the drying rack.” See, I’ll mention some day at dinner that I hate when their dishes are in the sink, and my housemates will agree that yes, it is disgusting, and yes, we should totally do something about it. And then the next day I get back from art history and there is a giant, towering pile of cups and spoons and cookie sheets waiting to be cleaned. I’m a little bit OCD. They know this. I know they know because they’re always making fun of how many toothbrushes I have. They also know that I imagine things crawling on me when there are dishes in the sink and that I will clean them immediately. And I think they are using my neuroticism to their advantage.

2. When people talk about how much homework they have

We’ve all been there. You’re sitting in a Prentiss booth trying to enjoy your sunflower field roast whatever cutlet when a friend of a friend slides in next to you and starts going on and on about some awful chemistry test they have next week. This person is talking about memorizing molecules and all of a sudden one of your friends is whining about how he has like three papers to write this weekend and someone else is talking about her next oral exam and they’re all grinning and giggling and enjoying their twisted little commiseration game. And you’re trying to ignore them. You’re trying to decide which of the brothers in the Vampire Diaries is more mysterious and brooding and thus more attractive, but you’re distracted by all of the unpretentious conversation around you. You know what, Whitman? I don’t buy it. I bet you spend at least of third of your library time watching cat videos on YouTube. And you know what else? I have so much time.

3. How TLC has changed its programming so that I can only watch “Say Yes to the Dress” on Friday

I understand that whoever does scheduling for TLC is trying to make this whole “Friday is Bride-day” thing, but I don’t care. It doesn’t really rhyme, and when I’m on break, I want to be able to get myself a cup of coffee and watch “Say Yes to the Dress” every day at 11.