Much to my dismay, I am currently single, and it’s not because I’ve been idle, trust me. I have been asking out girls for the past several weeks now, but every time, they have either said “no”, spat in my face, or both. I’m desperate. Hopefully, one of you lovely ladies out there will read this and realize that I’m the man you’ve been waiting for all these years. If you’re reading this right now, this is to you:
1.My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns, hon.
2. Also, hands wouldn’t hurt.
3. It doesn’t matter what color your eyes are, as long as they remind me of fresh dew on a field of clovers.
4. 32,24,34
5. I just wanna burn a spliff and eat Thai, man.
6. Our relationship will have to last at least a month.
7. In that time we will make sweet, sweet love. We will also have sex. Lots and lots of sex.
8. I won’t say no to a threesome, but I won’t say yes either. 😉
9. I like a woman with a bit of mystery. So make sure you’ve killed someone, or at least have pulled off a crazy jewel heist.
10. If you haven’t killed anyone, I have the perfect idea for our first date.