Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Big Love, Whitman College

This year is just the same as any year. We all get to campus, do a little research and come to the same age-old realization. Girls outnumber guys, almost two to one. And to make matters worse for the poor Whitwomen of the world, a lot of these guys have long-distance relationships with their high school sweethearts.

Many will argue over the merits of dating as opposed to weekend hookups, but those arguments are stupid and avoid the excruciating, underlying fact of the matter. The issue at hand is not that men aren’t bold enough to ask women out on a date the good, old-fashioned way. There just aren’t enough men to satisfy the ladies. Plain and simple.

That’s why I posit that a cultural shift should take rise around campus. It’s quite simple, and solves everyone’s problems: two girls, one guy.

The beauty of this plan is that it works along the sweeping reality of demographics on campus.  This way, every woman can be satisfied, and all the men can feel loved.

In the case that there are guys out there who want two guys, let them have it! We’re all free-love social liberals here, right? This is why this plan totally works. Some guys will just have to pick up some of the slack of others. I myself wouldn’t be opposed in the slightest. I’m always looking for ways to help my fellow classmates.

So start today! The new love revolution will sweep the school! Ask that cute girl you like in Calc II out, then ask her best friend out, too! It’s failproof. Love for all, and two for one.

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