Here at the Backpage office, we don’t just sit around watching “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and asking people to pull our fingers; we like to stay up-to-date on the stuff happening inside the Whitman Bubble. We have been informed that the 85th Annual Whitman Choral Contest is happening this Friday night in Cordiner. Given our reputation for realness and intolerance of pussy bourgeois ideals, we decided to break this down for y’all:
Beta
Why They’ll Win: They can smoke cigarettes and sing at the same time.
Why They’ll Lose: They’re Beta.
Kappa
Why They’ll Win: They’re hot.
Why They’ll Lose: Hotness doesn’t always equate with sounding good.
Phi
Why They’ll Win: They’re tall.
Why They’ll Lose: Pot brownies beforehand might not be the best pre-contest warm-up.
Schwa
Why They’ll Win: They’re Schwa.
Why They’ll Lose: They won’t.
DG
Why They’ll Win: They do not accept defeat.
Why They’ll Lose: Too many people rollin’.
TKE
Why They’ll Win: They’ve been practicing while pole dancing.
Why They’ll Lose: Not enough contestants.
Sirens
Why They’ll Win:
Why They’ll Lose: Their song choice will be off a “Now That’s What I Call Music!” album.
Theta
Why They’ll Win: Their Queen medley last year rocked.
Why They’ll Lose: They’re singing “Friday”. FUN FUN FUN NO.
Sig
Why They’ll Win: They actually practiced.
Why They’ll Lose: Too many goons.
T-Tones
Why They’ll Win: Matching outfits.
Why They’ll Lose: No one a-capella group should have so much power.
Indy Women
Why They’ll Win: They can actually sing.
Why They’ll Lose: What’s with those robes?
Indy Men
Why They’ll Win: They intend to kick ass and take names.
Why They’ll Lose: They run the chance of literally kicking ass.
WINNERS: Indy women, Indy men, Schwa
Gospel lover • Apr 28, 2011 at 7:52 pm
Where’s Gospel Choir?!
skyhigh • Apr 28, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Hell yes! good predictions. we be bringin’ our A game