The clock inches towards four a.m. The night janitors of Reid Campus Center are beginning to appear. And yet, the wee hours of this morning still play host to a lively debate raging behind the elusive ASWC office door. What began as a usual Wednesday afternoon Executive Council meeting transformed into an exhaustingly comprehensive review of how, exactly, pronouns were being employed in the government’s ruling documents: the 21,345-page constitution and subsequent by-laws.

Scheduled as a quick hour-long wrap up of the way by-laws had been implemented over the course of the semester turned into a raging debate over the possible disrespect referring to ASWC as “it” could cause to student body members outside of ASWC.

At one point the disillusioned members turned to their first-year style guides for direction, a tool that they had mistakenly assumed would never be retrieved from the dark dredges of their political theory bookcase.

“We just couldn’t end it,” a victim of the meeting admitted. (Our source prefers to stay anonymous in case this account makes people associate him with ASWC and subsequently vote him back into office next semester.) “I tried to table the issue for next week but the chair refused to recognize me to speak. I was forced to stay mute. I’m even considering a proposing a by-law change that would require the chair to immediately call on anyone whose hand has been raised for a minimum of four hours.”

Others felt the length of the meeting justified considering the vital importance of its content matter to the everyday life of your average Whitman student. Finance Chair Mark Deertrick expressed his belief that, “We have a duty here. A duty to every past, current, and future Whitman student who has walked these halls with the hope of a better tomorrow. I am not a man of many words but I believe in this institution and its capacity to change lives. To every small injustice a Whittie has suffered at the hands of an inefficient student government, I owed my Wednesday night. I may not have completed the reading for my constitutional law class, nor do I have the mental capacity to function for the rest of the day, but I won. And so can you.”