Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Missed Connections

Lyman Dining Hall –– M4W –– 18

I saw you eating your boca burger and reading “The Odyssey” (by Homer). I was wearing Birkenstocks, ath- letic shorts and a Whitman hoodie. I think you were with your boyfriend. I love Homer. Did you know he was blind? Crazy! If you will be my Circe, I will be your Odysseus. Please send photograph for confirmation.

Sherwood Climbing Wall –– M4W –– 20

Oh my god, you are agile. Me: chalked hands. You: free climbing on the wall behind me. I think we talked once at an Ultimate party. You are a geo major, right? Maybe we can run (or climb) into each other on purpose. I’d love to belay you before winter break.

Ankeny Field –– M4W –– 22

You were playing Ultimate Frisbee in your sports bra last Saturday after- noon. I was the guy smoking cigarettes
on the bench in front of Jewett. I feel like we’re from different worlds, similar to the main love interests in “Titanic.” Maybe I can “paint” you wearing a “necklace” sometime. I could (and will) continue to watch you in silence, or: if you’re willing to ditch your jock friends: we can make this real by watching my copy of “The Royal Tennenbaums” (Criterion Collection).

Library –– M4W –– 21

We were both pulling an all-nighter. I ran out of work to do around 3 a.m., but I stayed for the rest of the night just to look at you. You might remember me as the guy sitting across the quiet room looking at you. I’d like to write a paper about your eyes; you have the biggest boobs I have ever seen. You should come over and sign my book sometime, or if you want something more discreet I’ll be on the fourth floor of the library tomorrow at 4 a.m. 😉


Bro. You were the bro with the backwards baseball cap, cargo shorts and muscle-T. I was the bro shotgunning beers with the freshmen pledges. We played a game of beer pong and you totally cleaned my clock. I respect you a lot for that, bro. Let’s bro out sometime. Or fuck.

Your Off-Campus House –– W4M ––18

Remember me? We hooked up last night after the Cat Party. I think you are a senior. I had to leave early: as you suggested: to write an Encounters paper. It was nice sleeping in a bed larger than twin-sized; maybe we can do it again sometime. Also, I left my phone and ID card somewhere in your room last night: I really need to get both of those back. We have class together on Tuesdays and Thursdays; maybe I could get those from you then. Accept my friend request on Facebook if you’re interested!

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