- Every sideline must have an assorted collection of uninterested boyfriends and at least one shirtless dude who is there for no apparent reason other than to be seen shirtless.
- An off-sides violation receives a penalty of five yards, unless the encroaching player calls into the question the validity of “onsideness” as a positive social norm.
- Non-vegan footballs out. Animal-friendly soy balls in. Special hemp gloves required.
- On-field arguments must begin with the any of the following phrases: “Hey, take it easy there bro,” “Hey, cool your jets there broseph,” or “Hey pump the brakes there supercalifra- gilisticexpialiBROcious.” Further- more, all such arguments must end with the phrase, “Hey, look, we’re all just out here to have fun.”
- When playing sorority girls, each indie team must designate one player to make passive-aggressive comments like, “Yeah it’s okay you ripped my shorts, I guess they weren’t that expen- sive,” and “Go ahead and pull it out, It’ll just grow back!
- Each boy team must have at least one guy wearing $40 gloves who spends the entire game trying to psyche opponents out.
- All students MUST assume that the male players that wear sleeve-less shirts to the dining hall, thus revealing their glistening triceps, have huge genitalia. If you assume otherwise, you lose. You lose everything.
Categories:
IM committee’s new Flag Football rules for 2009
More to Discover
