Every sideline must have an assorted collection of uninterested boyfriends and at least one shirtless dude who is there for no apparent reason other than to be seen shirtless.
An off-sides violation receives a penalty of five yards, unless the encroaching player calls into the question the validity of “onsideness” as a positive social norm.
Non-vegan footballs out. Animal-friendly soy balls in. Special hemp gloves required.
On-field arguments must begin with the any of the following phrases: “Hey, take it easy there bro,” “Hey, cool your jets there broseph,” or “Hey pump the brakes there supercalifra- gilisticexpialiBROcious.” Further- more, all such arguments must end with the phrase, “Hey, look, we’re all just out here to have fun.”
When playing sorority girls, each indie team must designate one player to make passive-aggressive comments like, “Yeah it’s okay you ripped my shorts, I guess they weren’t that expen- sive,” and “Go ahead and pull it out, It’ll just grow back!
Each boy team must have at least one guy wearing $40 gloves who spends the entire game trying to psyche opponents out.
All students MUST assume that the male players that wear sleeve-less shirts to the dining hall, thus revealing their glistening triceps, have huge genitalia. If you assume otherwise, you lose. You lose everything.
Whitman Wire • October 2, 2009 • https://whitmanwire.com/humor-page/2009/10/02/im-committees-new-flag-football-rules-for-2009/