Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

The Forgotten Fraternity: ∔ T∔ 

This week the Back Page takes a look at the history of our school and of the famed fifth fraternity: ∆T∆ (or Delta Tau Delta for you non-classics major independents out there). What was this mysterious fraternity about? Why did they become disbanded? Do you call measured quantities of meth an eighth? Well read on and find out!

The Mission of the Charter  

We the men of the Whitman Chapter of Delata Tau Delta believe in and base our lives and brotherhood on the following four fundamental principles:

The Principle of Courage- Without courage a man is not a man. The courage to stand for what you believe in. The courage to stay strong in times of trauma. The courage to start a meth lab in your basement. This is what courage means to us Deltas.

The Principle of Awesomeness- Awesomeness is something to strive for. Generic awesomeness is a necessity for Deltas because people who are not awesome suck balls. And brotherhood doesn’t suck balls.

The Principle of Hella Tight- Hella tight is an abstract concept, but one we as Deltas strive for. It is an undefinable quality, but we believe everyone of our brothers should be hella tight in order to face the world.

The Principle of Inertia- Objects in motion tend to stay in motion, and objects at rest tend to stay at rest unless an outside force acts upon them.

Why were they disbanded?

Exactly.   Why were they disbanded? Was it because of a meth lab? Or is that just an awful rumor? We at the back page have done some detective work and have compiled a list of possible reasons this brotherhood was dissolved:

– They performed sober at Choral Contest one year and the Intra-Fraternity council refused to acknowledge them.

– No freshman wanted to join a greek system that was jokingly referred to as a “fat-ernity.”

– Their “Schindler’s List” themed all campus party was not a huge seller.

– One of their pledges died during their initiation ritual game of Magic the Gathering. He got a paper cut by a third edition Craw Wurm and bled to death because his pledge brothers were worried he was only doing it to steal their mana when they were calling 911.

– Tuberculosis.

– Meth was passé. Heroin was the new big thing.

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