Things Your Grandma Might Say About a Bag of Coffee Beans
April 20, 2017
- “Oh dear. This reminds me of the pouch of coins I used to carry to the market to buy milk and plague medicines.”
- “Are they like the Tic Tacs?”
- “I don’t know who that green woman on the front is, but she looks deceitful.”
- “Your grandparents would have loved this! They used to hit me with a sock full of frozen cattle feces when I didn’t do my chores, but coffee beans would have smelled much better.”
- “Is this what that Kathy Perry girl is always singing about? She has a nice voice. A pornographic one, but it’s nice.”
- “That’s some very peculiar looking marijuana.”
- “I’ve heard my neighbor grinding these up and it’s just awful. It’s so loud it causes my psoriasis to flare up. Do you want to see my sores?”
- “These smell like Barry Manilow himself. Bury me in them and I’ll will you my old treadmill from 1982.”
- “Are these for cats? Are they cat treats? Can Mrs. Tabbytha eat them? I’m going to give some to Mrs. Tabbytha.”
- “You know, back in my day we had to pick these beans off the plant with our bare hands if we wanted a taste … Ha, just kidding. The military used to drive around town shooting them out of cannons mounted on the back of their vehicles to celebrate winning the war. Good times.”
