Dear Readers,
The last time we left you, we came to the undeniable conclusion that John Madden is not only an integral part of the history of the formation of American football, but also a societal icon.
Hold the phone, Maximus. First of all, we left our readers last week convinced that Madden is a blithering buffoon. Secondly, this current pillow-talk topic bores me. I think we should refocus our energies elsewhere. Recent Super Bowl woes came to mind as I watched a microcosm of Good versus Evil as Brett Farve and Ben Roethlisberger battled head to head in Pittsburgh last week. Unfortunately for mankind, the White Knight stumbled late, handing a victory to the Man in Black and proving that good doesn’t always triumph over evil. What really gets my goat is that despite his sub-par efforts on the football field, the media, general public and the business that is the National Football League have all managed to fall in love with and fawn over one “Big” Ben Roethlisberger, deceiver and fraud.
The only people Roethlisberger deceives are opposing defenses. While he may not be the most graceful of quarterbacks, he always seems to be able to avoid the rush and somehow get the ball to a receiver downfield. The man is a winner. In only five seasons in the NFL he has managed to win two Super Bowls: something that Hall-of-Famers Dan Marino and Jim Kelly never accomplished.
As far as his technical skills go, I didn’t realize that a true measure of a quarterback is whether or not he can unload a two-handed chest pass to a stationary running back seven feet away. If you put together a career highlight reel for Roethlisberger, half of the clips would be of great catches by the likes of Hines Ward, Antwaan Randle El and Santonio Holmes, and the other half would be of him bouncing and stumbling around in the pocket without any semblance of balance. Also, it is important to note that Roethlisberger may be a winner, but only because he was fortunate enough to land on a great team. He has consistently had great defenses and a great running game to accompany the litany of receivers to throw to. This can’t be any more obvious than in his first Super Bowl victory, where he surreptitiously managed to win a game and still rock a less-than-impressive Quarterback Rating of 22.6 out of 158.3. Also, when it mattered, he was the beneficiary of horrible officiating in the 2006 Super Bowl against my Seattle Seahawks. I wouldn’t be surprised to see those guys driving around in yellow and black Lamborghinis.
It’s clear to me that the tears of 2006 are still blinding you from the fact that Roethlisberger is really just that good. He has been consistently blessed, being on teams that feature staunch defenses. However, he has done whatever his team has asked him to do to win games. Playing quarterback is unlike any other position on the field; all that a quarterback needs to do to be successful is to produce victories and championships, which we have all seen Roethlisberger do. What he lacks in conventional skills, he more than makes up for in intangibles such as clutch play, and my favorite category, shiftiness. Whether you want to believe it or not, all that stumbling and bouncing has a purpose. Also, you can count on one hand the number of quarterbacks that have led a game-winning touchdown drive in the Super Bowl. Roethlisberger has consistently performed his best when the chips are down.
Ben Roethlisberger is a phony meat-head that has somehow received the keys to the Kingdom too early. The corporate schemers have put all of their marketing eggs into Roethlisberger’s proverbial basket. Of course, they would do everything they can to orchestrate his success while Roethlisberger undermines their efforts by continually showcasing hooligan antics off the field (see Reno Police Reports).
Dujie, cry more. You should contact Kleenex and see if you score an endorsement deal.
