Think about the way you always have sex. If a single image comes to mind, this is the article for you. The best sex is fun, passionate and exploratory for all parties. Whether you are two months into your long-term relationship, flinging or just looking for a quick fuck, these are some tips for what to do when your vanilla sex gets boring.
1. Watch some porn or read some erotica together. This doesn’t mean that your sex has to be how it looks or sounds on TV –– or even should be –– but it’s a good way to get inspired, turned on and learn what your partner likes.
2. You are sexplorers! Go find an unchartered locale in which to succeed in your missionary quest. Public spaces like the library or the amphitheater can add a thrilling zing to your zong.
3. Tie me up buttercup! Introduce basic bondage and blindfolds. You can use a sleeping mask, headband or bandana, and all of the sudden the suspense is… Anderson and Lyman Hall bedframes make the perfect anchors. If you’re looking for a little extra something something, not being able to clutch your partner –– or a partner who can’t clutch you –– might be it. Remember, this isn’t going to go down like a movie. It will probably be a little awkward, and you and your partner are going to have to work through it with communication and practice.
4. Got the drunchies or the munchies? There’s no reason why you can’t be horny and hungry at the same time. And even more importantly, there’s no reason why you can’t satisfy those desires at the same time. Chevy does not personally recommend syrups or sauces –– they’re too sticky (and not in the good way). However, feeding each other fruits and finger food (ha) are a great way to satiate your hunger. We also recommend YouTubing “Grapefruit Yo Man” for a better visual.
This week, in honor of “50 Shades of Grey,” we are assigning homework: Try to introduce at least one of these sexplorations into your toolkit. You don’t have to be Christian Grey to want a little dom/sub action. Remember to set up a safeword with your partner before starting your homework. We recommend “cattyspice.”
Moving on from beginning kink, we also respectfully want to start a larger conversation that supersedes the limits of this column: the rhetoric of rape. This should be read as a frustration with the general concept of rape because it is convoluting and interferes with the idea of purely sensual and consensual sex. Rape is rape. Sex is sex. When we (as a larger global community) talk about sex, the global cultural surrounding rape requires that we make the distinction between consensual sex and rape. There is no such thing as non-consensual sex. Any sex that is not consensual is rape. Sex is inherently consensual and communicated about by two mature adults.
To, in any way, lend some sort of validation to the belief that non-consensual sex is still sex further enables the perpetrator, we’ll add the following disclaimer* to every column because we believe that by reconstructing the language to disaffiliate rape from sex, we will be able to have a more open and honest dialogue. This does not mean you are dissolved of your obligation to seek consent before sex, but we hope to shift the language towards sex positivity.
*Whenever we refer to sex, it must be consensual between the communicating parties.
