Our names may not be Luna, but we sure know how to Lovegood. Or at least, how to talk about how to love better. The goal of this new column is to explore, with our fellow students, sex, intimacy, college hookups, relationships and everything else that comes along with them. So, who are these masked crusaders of love, sex and the space in between? We are Crystal and Chevy, and we are here to do as Salt ‘n’ Pepa instruct us: Talk About Sex, Baby. We are two Whitman students; one of us identifies as a woman and one as a man, and we are both somewhere along the sexual orientation loop. For now, we are choosing to remain anonymous, per request of our partners and for the sakes of our parents.
A lot of what we write will come from our personal, mostly heterosexual experiences. That being said, we feel that, on a basic level, relationships are relationships, regardless of sexuality. While we will sometimes talk in a gendered binary, particularly concerning genitalia, we recognize gender is a construction. Which brings us to our two big goals: 1. To encourage communication on all points and 2. To redefine what our readers think of as sex and intimacy.
For our first topic, we want to discuss something that we feel anyone might experience, no matter where you fall on the spectrum of sexuality. What do you do when you have a low libido during a high-libido situation? Particularly when you are already in mid-hot-steamy-consensual-hookup. (We like to call this Limp Dick Syndrome or Dry Vagina Syndrome).
There are probably many ways this could turn out. We’ve experienced both the good, the bad and (bypass ugly) the really, really bad. So here are our tips.
1) Take the pressure off yourself by acknowledging the situation. There is nothing like trying to get a hard-on with an ocean of self-consciousness and loathing weighing you down.
2) Communicate your newfound freedom to your bedroom partner. This is key! Just saying, “Hey, I’m really into you (emphasize the fact that it really is you, not them). But right now it’s just not gonna happen that way.”
3) Suggest an alternative activity. If your inability to get hard or wet at that moment is not due to discomfort or lack of attraction, that does not mean that sex has to end there.
This is where we come to our second theme: Sex does not exclusively mean penetration. Oral sex, mutual masturbation, utilizing those hands, etc., should all be counted as intimate activities with your partner. If you are experiencing a low-libido moment, transfer the attention to your partner and ways you can please them. This will take pressure off you and feel good for your partner.
Bonus! We know from personal experience that these extracurricular activities often have a happy ending for both of you.
Disclaimer: This does not in any way mean that you should EVER engage in sexual activity with anyone with whom you are uncomfortable. You can always change your mind about engaging in sex, even during intercourse. Sometimes it can be difficult, especially if someone’s dick is inside you and you feel the twisted obligation to carry through, or vice versa. But you can always say no.
