Note: This post was written on Sunday, August 5th.

After a relaxing “day off” at a hotel near Narita Airport, I am now waiting for the ticket counter to open so I can check in to my Singapore Airlines flight to Los Angeles, which departs at around 7:30 this evening. As I have ample time to kill, I’ve decided to start work on my final blog post for this trip.

I know that upon my return to the States, I will be asked countless times, “So, how was Japan?” In all honesty, I’m not sure how to answer this question. The most concise and sincere response would be that this summer in Japan was an experience I will never forget.

Studying in Kanazawa with PII challenged me in ways I never expected it would. First of all, the course curriculum was much more difficult than I anticipated; even though I enrolled in PII expecting a rigorous curriculum, I’m afraid to say I underestimated how grueling my Japanese classes with PII would be. As a result, I am returning from Japan both physically and mentally exhausted.

Secondly, spending more time in Japan than I ever have before forced me to take a good hard look at my plans for the future. Up until now, I had always planned on participating in the Japan Exchange and Teaching Programme (JET) after I graduate from Whitman and continuing on from there to enroll in graduate school for interpretation and translation, but now I’m reconsidering my life path. I became incredibly homesick in these two months, even more so than I did when I studied abroad in Córdoba, Spain in the fall after my graduation from high school. This homesickness has led me to contemplate whether I can sign on for a year or more as an English teacher in Japan.

I think that my homesickness in part had to do with the fact that my PII classes heaped a lot of stress on me (in Spain, I literally had no homework at all in my Universidad de Córdoba classes), but my feelings of loneliness also might have had something to do with the fact that foreigners really do feel incredibly foreign in Japan. Here in Japan, more so than anywhere else I’ve visited, I’ve felt like a stranger. Although my Japanese speaking skills improved dramatically in these two months and I was able to effectively communicate with the Japanese people I met, Japan and its people always seem to find a way to remind international visitors that they are not, and will never be, Japanese. Whether it be stares on the subway; whispers of “Gaijin!” as you pass; an insistence from a hotel clerk that you conduct business in English, even  though you’ve made it perfectly clear that you speak adequate Japanese; or a reminder that you are a foreigner in the guise of a compliment, for example, “Your eyes are so large!” or “Is that your natural hair color and texture?”, these are all reminders of foreign identity and “nonbelongingness.” Although I’ve heard these incidents called “microagressions,” I think that these expressions on the part of Japanese people are mostly unintentional and not aggressive, committed simply out of a deeply embedded cultural identity and homogeneity that makes it difficult for the Japanese to truly accept foreigners. A lot of Japanese honestly don’t know any better than to not stare at foreigners. This reinforcement of ingroup/outgroup boundaries is one pretty substantial problem I’ve had to grapple with in a country I’ve been fascinated with since elementary school; now that I’m older and (a little) wiser, I’ve come to realize that although Japan is an amazing country in many ways, it has its social issues just like anywhere else in the world.

This summer was stressful, yes, but among the stresses came joyful discoveries and fantastic experiences. I had the opportunity to learn from some of the best Japanese professors in the nation, among them the renowned Seiichi Makino, who is as kind as he is smart. My Japanese has improved even more than I anticipated it would, and I speak and write with much more confidence than I did upon my arrival in Japan two months ago. My PII classmates astounded me every day with their intelligence, ingenuity, and amazing personalities. I was initially worried that I wouldn’t fit in with students hailing from such prestigious universities, and at times I did feel pretty intimidated by the other students’ accomplishments and knowledge, but I am happy to say that I made some great friends through PII that I hope to meet again in the future. I have no doubt that this year’s PII alumni will go on to do great things, whether or not they decide to continue their Japanese education.

I lived for the summer’s cultural activities, as they gave me the chance to get to know my classmates while simultaneously learning about Japanese culture. My favorite activity of the summer was probably pottery, and although my chawan (tea bowl) didn’t turn out quite as well as I expected, from now on I will gaze upon its cloudy and slightly ugly surface with fond memories of the pottery workshop and the pottery master who greeted us enthusiastically every few weeks with his glass-bead crown and crinkly smile.

So, in short, my experience with PII was both challenging and rewarding. I worked my butt off, but I also met some extraordinary people and learned more than I ever hoped I would about Japanese language and culture. Was it worth the stress and occasional misery I encountered in class? In hindsight, probably. Maybe. I still think that the PII curriculum has a lot of problems that, in all likelihood, will never be resolved due to the program’s long history of doing things the same way every year. However, I think that if PII would take into consideration its students’ criticism and reconstruct its curriculum, it has the potential to become an even greater study abroad program.

Lastly: acknowledgements! I owe many people thanks for making this summer as great as it was, first and foremost, my parents (both American and Japanese). My American parents supported me both financially and emotionally throughout this trip, and I am eternally grateful for the wisdom they shared with me when I was really feeling down about my classes and missing home. A shoutout to my brother, Mark, for linking me to great music and keeping my spirits up through Facebook and on Skype. My Japanese family, the Suzukis, were the best host family I have ever stayed with. They were definitely not a typical Japanese family, but living with them was probably the best part of my trip to Japan. Ai-san’s generosity and genuine interest in me and my life was the basis for the development of a great relationship that I hope will continue to thrive. Ai-san has inspired me to host international exchange students with my family in the future. Ha-chan and Re-chan, with their energy and undeniable adorableness, won me over as soon as I met them, and I was delighted with how close we became during the time I spent in Kanazawa. I hope that they will remember me fondly as they grow older and that someday I can return the kindness they showed me by hosting them in the United States.

Additional acknowledgements go to the students of PII who became my friends in these two months. It’s not always easy for me to make friends, as I am pretty reserved, but as we got to know each other, I realized just how great my classmates are.

Special acknowledgements: To Teng Kuan Ng, for sneaking up behind me every morning at the crosswalk and talking to me as we walked to class, making an effort to brighten my mood even on those mornings when I felt like the class dunce and it was hard to make it though class without feeling like crying. You are a true gentleman, Ng-san, and your intelligence and passion for movies will take you far in life. To Kelly Maeshiro, for sitting next to me on the bus, for making me laugh with your old man voice and “Kelly face,” and for just being all-around awesome. To Laurent Mazouer, for not giving up on me as a friend when I told you I didn’t like cheese, for greeting me every morning with a cheerful “おはよう！元気？”, for laughing with me over Google Translate’s lack of comprehension of the Japanese language, and for putting in so much effort on our kickass partner project! I hope we can reunite either in Switzerland or America someday. To Hao-Kai Pai, for greeting me each morning with a smile and wave. Your friendliness brightened every day. To Xiao Xiao, for not only having one of the most fantastic names I have ever encountered, but for also being a genuine friend and kind soul. I will always recall running into you at the supermarket, then seeing you in Classroom 8 with your bento and laptop minutes later! To the students of 三年生グループA for suffering alongside me on slow days in class and for working so hard to learn our final performance dance the day before our party. Our performance was by far the best of all the classes (shh! I’m not biased!).

An additional acknowledgement must go to Spencer Wharton, for encouraging me when I expressed my frustration with learning kanji and for introducing me to the Anki computer program, without which I could not have learned as effectively as I did this summer. Seriously, Spencer, you’re a lifesaver. Let me know if you want me to bake you cookies or something. ANYTIME.

Thank you to Chiyo Yamamoto and her family, who hosted me for a long weekend in their home in Isehara City. 千代さんと山本家族へ、とても楽しい週末ありがとうございました。山本家族に初めて会って、うれしかったです。千代さんは本当にすばらしい友達で、来年ウイットマンで千代さんはいなくて、とても寂しくなります。また会いましょう！

Thank you to the Matsushita family, who at great inconvenience hosted me for a week in the beautiful city of Kagoshima. 松下家族へ今週ありがとうございました。私達の家族の関係はとても大事で、また会いましょう。サンタロサに戻って下さい。

Last, but definitely not least, thank you to the readers of my blog who so graciously passed on your compliments, encouragements, and questions. When I began this blog I honestly thought my sole readers would be my family and boyfriend, but this blog spread farther than I ever thought it would. I think that my writing may very well take me somewhere in the future, so it was very heartening to hear that so many of you enjoyed reading about my exploits across the Pacific.

Many Americans know the Japanese word sayounara, meaning goodbye. What many Americans don’t know is that sayounara is reserved for occasions when the feeling of “goodbye” is more permanent and long lasting. When I leave Japan this evening, I will not be saying sayounara to this lovely country that has captivated me since childhood. Instead, as the plane takes off, I will think, Jaa, mata ne! Mata aimashou! (See you later! We’ll meet again!)