This article was contributed by Mehera Nori

Remember that hilarious scene in The Wedding Crashers when Isla Fisher ties Vince Vaughn to the bed against his will? And remember that other scene when Keir O’Donnell slips into Vaughn’s bed as he sleeps and starts to make a move while Vaughn tries to get O’Donnell to stop? Those scenes were pretty funny. That is, until you realize that those scenes are of rape and assault.

Imagine the Isla Fisher/Vince Vaughn scene with the roles reversed. Imagine that instead of laughter and awkward commentary that she is pleading with him, that she’s crying, that she’s unconscious. This is the problem with rape and sexual assault humor: the subject matter is rape and sexual assault. Clearly, the fact that acts of rape and sexual violence are not humorous in any way, shape or form hasn’t stopped folks from making rape jokes. Take, for example, the laughable Antoine Dodson. Somehow, other aspects of him or his video make people forget the fact that he’s telling a news station about how his sister was almost raped. Literally, someone climbed into her bed at night with some intention of hurting her. Imagine that happening to someone you love. Still funny?

I’ve heard people defend rape jokes in a whole host of ways: that they’re just the same as cancer/AIDS/other illness jokes, that we just need to be able to laugh at ourselves or that I’m too stuffy or sensitive to get it. First, I really don’t understand what’s funny about terminal illnesses that put people in excruciating pain, so that defense is completely lost on me. On top of that, cancer is not inflicted upon someone by another person; rape and assault are clear acts of violence. Second, I understand needing to laugh about things that happen in life. It can be difficult to digest unpleasant situations without making some light of it. But rape isn’t some unfortunate situation that one happens to be in: rape is something forced upon other people. Third, I’m not too sensitive or too stuffy to laugh at your hilarious joke. Instead, I understand how making rape jokes contributes to the construction of rape culture and refuse to be part of that. When we make or laugh at a joke about rape or sexual assault or violence, we normalize it a little bit. We make it okay to laugh at a joke about someone being brutally assaulted. We validate the experiences of people who have raped or assaulted others. By telling a rape joke, the severity of sexual violence is diminished because we accept the act of rape as something comical, funny and commonplace.

Here’s the problem: we’re trying to make sure rape and sexual assault are not commonplace. According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN), someone is sexually assaulted every two minutes in the United States, and fifteen out of sixteen rapists don’t spend a single day in prison. That means there are about 213,000 victims of assault and rape in the US, and for about 94 percent of them their abusers are never punished. How do you know that an assault survivor isn’t listening to you tell a rape joke?

Ask your family members and friends if any of them has ever been a victim of rape/assault or attempted rape/assault. Ask them to tell you their stories. Think about how they might feel when they hear a joke that makes light of a traumatic incident. Think about how hearing a rape joke might make a rape victim relive their assault. Think about how by telling a rape joke you’re taking away the seriousness of rape and sexual assault and turning it into something funny and normal, when for thousands of survivors it is neither of those things. Now tell me a rape joke.