When Haley asked what I considered to be the most annoying American behavior,  I hesitated for a while, weighing whether it would offend her should I say that the constant “like” and the repetitive “you know” really confuse and irritate me.

The first time I noticed people overusing such filler words was during the all-residents’ meeting. I was counting not how many pages of reading I had left to finish, nor how many nickels I had piled up in my purse, but how many times the speaker used the phrase “you know.”   I did not already know anything she was saying. Although I concentrated all my  attention on her explanation, I was constantly distracted by the “you know.” Every time I heard a “you know” in that doubtful tone, I struggled to think about what I was supposed to know.

The next time I met the girl, I asked whether she could recognize herself saying the repetitive “you know” phrase.

“No, it’s kinda natural to say, you know?” she answered.

Apparently I didn’t know. She also remarked that she does not notice others’ references to “you know” when in conversation.

I observe this because I am a foreigner and it simply doesn’t make any sense to me to add “you know” together with a questioning tone after it. It’s true that it does not matter, like, you know, that these phrases only cause me confusion if everyone else can understand them well. But stop and think: what’s behind all these “likes” and “you knows”?

America is famous for its casual culture with its “like” rather than “is”; its “you know?” rather than a firm ending; and its “or whatever” rather than a solid statement.

My housemate comforted me when I told him that I couldn’t speak up in class for fear of making mistakes.

“Don’t be afraid with Americans, because they are casual and they don’t really care what you are saying,” he told me jokingly.

Thanks, casualness, for helping us to speak up, but we won’t let you obscure our ideas.

It’s annoying to attach “you know?” to the end of a speech with a shrug, a leaning head and two hands open. It sounds like you’re saying, “I am not a hundred percent sure about what I just said,” or, “I am just telling you the general truth, you know? It’s not something that deserves arguing,” or, “You know, I don’t really give a damn about what I said. Oh, I am just inviting you to join in my talk.” You don’t realize how much information you are giving about your mind.

In one of my classes we were discussing President George W. Bush’s aggressive preemptive national security strategy against terrorism after the 9/11 attacks, while I was again awkwardly stalking others’ “likes” and “you knows”.

“It was like, you know, the war in the Middle East, it’s like, crazy…” one of the students said.

Is the war against Iraq, in fact, crazy or, as the student said, “like, crazy”?

Bush asserted in his West Point speech in 2002 that “some worry that it is somehow undiplomatic or impolite to speak the language of right and wrong. I disagree.”

He urged citizens to take a strong and resolute attitude in diplomacy. How could he be so resolute even though the decision of starting a preemptive war was so wrong while we cannot even explain our ideas with a firm tone? Are we afraid of triggering disputes over what we just said and putting ourselves on the spot, as happened to President Bush in terms of his Iraq War?

Taylor Mali, an American slam poet, observed in his poem “Like, you know…” that America’s “like”, “you know”, “whatever” phase will lead us nowhere.

He entreated at the end of the poem, “To speak with conviction. To say what you believe in a manner that bespeaks the determination with which you believe it.”

Eventually, I told Haley about all the “like” and “you know” speaking behaviors. I was so embarrassed to find myself using “like” so much as my brain quickly tried to search suitable words for the explanation.

It’s challenging to get rid of the habit, I know, and I am struggling with this, but it worth a try as long as you can make yourself clearly understood and honest to your own opinion.