Over 100 days into the new administration, the nation is still grasping for an answer to the recession.
Look no further.
The solution to our problems has arrived, and it’s MAX XTREME! Welcome to Collapseland, the official amusement park of the economic crisis. Collapseland provides an interactive, fun guide to the still-unfolding meltdown and: this works, trust me: creates a national cathartic experience that will lift America out of the recession.
Only Chinese currency accepted, please.
Upon entering the park, you see the Housing Bubble, a supersized bouncy castle with an exciting twist. You’ll want to be there when it explodes: the thrill is seeing where your kids land!
Collapseland is family fun for all income brackets. For meals, those with cash to spare will enjoy the atmosphere of the AIG Board Room. Your Kobe steak will be served on a luxury old-growth mahogany conference table and followed by a full spa treatment.
Those on a budget will prefer the prices at the Soup Line.
Walking past the Bear Sterns Plunge, you come to the Madoff House of Mirrors, where you can spend hours lost among the shimmering profit margins. Elie Wiesel will be your tour guide.
Don’t miss the Geithnerizer, one of Collapseland’s signature rollercoasters. The Geithnerizer is brand-new, but we built it with the oldest techniques in the book. Its wooden planks positively rattle with experience and confidence! The Geithnerizer excites despite dozens of missing support beams. Prepare to be genuinely thrilled as the train nearly careens off the track several times!
If you begin to overheat, head over to Colbert/Stewart Falls, our premier water attraction. Several Geithnerizings take a toll, but a plunge over the Falls will cool you off. Don’t mind Jim Cramer floating around at the bottom: we think he’s just swimming.
Of course, every amusement park needs a signature attraction, and Collapseland is no different. At the center of the park is our towering rollercoaster, simply named the Dow. Famed for its volatility, the Dow hits peaks and valleys faster than Glenn Beck’s manic mood swings.
Look up at that train right now: there’s a foolish small boy sitting by himself! The train is slowly climbing, but he’s too short to see when the plunge will come, or even if there is one.
For now, he’s just sitting there in nervous anticipation, unsure whether to laugh or cry.
