People say the people you meet in college are the friends you keep for life. The sorority sister who held your hair when you hunched over the toilet seat, the classmates who pulled all-nighters with you writing your thesis, and the house mates who matured alongside you after four years.  

Is this true? After all, we all must have something in common to choose to go to a small liberal arts school miles from anywhere in the middle of nowhere. On a field as beautiful as Ankeny then, why don’t our first impressions always blossom into life long friendships?  

Your first impressions count a lot. Always remember to have a firm handshake, nothing in your teeth and to smile. However, what if there’s no such thing as a first impression at Whitman? At a school of 1500 students all armed with facebook and word of mouth, we’ve all had an experience of knowing of someone before we meet them face to face, or facebook to facebook.  

“What’s worse is when you’ve met someone but only briefly. You just have a first name and a face. When you see them again passing in the hall it’s either a head nod, a quite ‘hey’ or a ‘how’re you?’ They either echo your head nod, your hey or reply ‘good, you?'”

In that case, that person’s already made an impression on you based on your superficial perusal of their profile and tales of the preceding weekend. Then, the most awkward experience is when you meet this person you’ve already “met” just as they might have already “met” you before they shake your hand.  

What’s worse is when you’ve met someone but only briefly. You just have a first name and a face. When you see them again passing in the hall it’s either a head nod, a quiet “hey” or a “how’re you?” They either echo your head nod, your hey or reply “good, you?” By then, you’ve already walked past them and it’s too awkward to turn around and tell them how “good” or “bad” your day’s been. Usually, it’s good; I’ve never asked someone in passing how their day was and met a reply of “badly”. You only let your real friends know if you’ve had a bad day.  

These terse replies universally quell the perfunctory concern we have for how others have passed their days.

And maybe what is even worse than the meaningless routine mockeries of conversation, are the displays of intentional ignorance. After a facebook to facebook meeting or a short inconsequential handshake, seeing someone again in class or walking briskly opposite you on the sidewalk can be a daunting experience. Do you go through the above routine? What if you pretend not to see them? Or see them but pretend not to know them?  

Of course, nothing beats meeting someone on a Sunday afternoon after you’ve met them on both Friday and Saturday nights.  

While talking to a stranger may be awkward, talking to your new facebook friend or first impression-less friend may be worse. What do you say?  

“Hey, nice facebook profile! I loved your favorite music and activities!”

“Thanks, how’s your day been?”

“Good! You?”  

“Good too! See ya, I got to go!”

Is that the exchange you’ll remember? Did that conversation make an impression on you?

You know why memory foam pillows are so comfortable? It’s because when we lay our heads on them we make an impression on the foam. And the foam holds the shape of your head after a while so that it fits you perfectly, so that you feel completely at ease and sincere in your bed. You don’t have to toss and turn and pretend to be comfortable when you’re not.   You’re the most uncomfortable when you try as hard as you can to mask it.

Maybe we’re all a bit like memory foam. We just want someone to make an impression, a real lasting one, on us and echo ourselves back onto them.