Oh, YouTube. I just never know how to feel about you. For every legitimate presidential debate or beautiful Regina Spektor video you show me, there is a video of women beating the living hell out of each other in Compton or else taking their clothes off in any variety of ways.
My sister made a YouTube video of me two years ago dancing to an Eddie Murphy song. It has gotten 6,564 views since then. It’s funny because I’m really skinny and dancing terribly. At the end, my shirt slips off my shoulder and I huddle up and scream “My clothes!!!” That part was a mistake. But it unfortunately is probably responsible for a large number of those viewings.
One of the comments on the video, besides the one that says that no one wants to see my skinny-ass chicken legs, bitch, says “sexy, u got a thong?” Name of user? Mastrb8r. There is a link next to this comment to a video of a girl stripping. The video cuts off when she shimmies out of her bra.
Stop watching those videos. They’re not funny. They’re not sexy. And by the power of Zeus, girls, STOP. MAKING. THEM. Don’t even make them a possibility for the Mastrb8r’s of the world. I used to tell everyone I know the link to my Eddie Murphy video. Since last week, I’ve stopped altogether.
Last week I got sent the link to a video that has become incredibly popular in college bubbles everywhere. In it, a young girl (maybe 9 or 10), puts on some sexy grooves and shakes her moneymaker. Let me elaborate on why it was the most disturbing thing I have ever seen.
Her moves are straight out of one million music videos. She’s so obviously just following a formula. Roll Hips. Rub Down Length of Body. Flip Hair. Spin. Shake Ass. Repeat As Necessary. In the background, her mom is clearly talking on the phone. When she is tired, the little girl walks calmly over to the camera and turns it off.
Also behind her, the family dog is humping a stuffed snake. After a few minutes of gyrating a la Britney, little brainwashed girl takes the snake FROM the humping dog, wraps it around her neck, and gets on with the show. Clearly, this is disgusting.
Yes, she has dog penis substance around her neck. More heartbreaking, though, is that she ignores what the dog is doing. It’s part of everyday life, just like making videos that men 30 years older than she is can watch and “Mastrb8” to. It’s part of being a girl. You just do it. Like dogs just like to hump things. That’s life.
Girls today have sex sold to them like they get candy sold to them. It has got to stop.
I was in Wal-Mart committing my usual minor criminal offenses around midnight last week, and I wandered into the junior-miss clothing section. I found thongs smaller than my hand and jeweled with days of the week, “sexy!” and “cool!” I found training bras with padding. I mean bras that would fit around the top of my arm, with padding. And I found clothes with the following phrases: “Eyes up here, buddy” and “Who needs brains when you have these?”
I was in the section of the store selling clothing to children.
My question is this, mothers and fathers of America. What are you looking for, here? Popularity? For your little speckle of sunshine to be the girl that starts getting people to notice her rack at the age of 8? For her to be the first one in third grade to make it to second base? Are you hoping this will make her feel confident in her growing body and able to face the world in all of its judgment and chaos? That she’ll claim her sexuality and go forth as a strong woman?
You have failed. The child that wears a hand-sized thong and points arrows at her breasts (read: nipples in the middle of 8-year-old chest) will not claim her sexuality. She will have it claimed for her. She will be confident IF people approve of her sexual message. And what if getting approved of means getting felt up by a curious sixth grader? What if it means more?
Do not watch those YouTube videos. Cause a ruckus in those sections of clothing stores. Let girls grow up awkwardly. That’s what growing up is. Take your fucking underwear out of their poor, under-aged asses.
