Greetings strangers, and welcome to the Apocalypse! I know you’re probably thinking when am I going to wake up, or, what is all this, or, who the hell is this guy? Don’t be mistaken, this is not a dream, this is an uninterrupted wasteland you find yourself in, and I’m whoever you’d like me to be. You’re probably wondering what happened, was it climate change, disease, robots, nuclear warfare?? The answer is a bit of everything, a grab bag of hellfire.
But things were going so great! Yeah you’re right, at least we generated a lot of profit in the meantime! It all started in the year 2025 when American tariffs sparked a trade war the elevated into a new cold war between the US and China. As this happened people were too focused on infighting in purity politics to fight against the looming threat of class war. Meanwhile positive climate feedback loops accelerated global warming, killing millions every year and making fresh water less and less available, all while billions spend hours a day looking at their multiple devices!
How could people be so inconsiderate? That’s a good question. Years of hyper violent sports, ISIS beheadings and a normalization of gun culture and school shootings made people numb to people dying everywhere every second. No one could have predicted the rise of fascism masked as conservative value in the 21st century except for Frank Zappa. I mean knowing it is one thing but seeing everyday is a whole other ball game!
Eventually president JD Vance got fed up with a Chinese New Year card arriving late so he decided to press the button. Hello mutually assured destruction! Russia only had to hear nuclear before blowing up Topeka and whatever else was left of Europe.
Ya know, before this all went to shit I was working as a union organizer for AI.
Well this is your home now, make yourself comfortable. Food is hard to come by and water is impossible to find. If you see anyone, anyone at all, I recommend going the other way. If you feel sick, that’s radiation poisoning or you didn’t cook the rat long enough. I doubt you’ll live more than a week but there’s a group of shack-houses 50 miles West that distill the most potent ether you’ve ever had the chance to kiss.
Good luck and remember, friends aren’t food unless you’ve got nothing else!
