Long gone with industrial farming and the green revolution because the apocalypse will harbor a new wave of food for survivors. Doomsday preppers (or just preppers) have extensively thought about the possibilities of a world with no produce and no chickens. Dehydrated pasta, freeze-dried veggies, canned goods, and instant rice are staples of preppers’ pantries. When the end of the world comes, those who have been preparing have been thinking about food, with some interesting results. All prepper food relies on being shelf-stable for a long period of time, typically with low cooking needs. There will be lots of salt and grain in our shelter futures. For the plentiful amounts of Mormon preppers, I am sure dirty Diet Coke will make an appearance as well. Odds are, most of us will end up eating peanut butter, rice, pasta, and other shelf stable, nutrient-dense goods while we wait for the irradiated wasteland to harbor fewer atomic monstrosities. However, humanity has made some interesting things become shelf-stable, and the possibilities are vast. One of the icons is Cougar Gold, an award-winning canned cheddar cheese, produced by our Washingtonian neighbors at the WSU Creamery. This nutty cheese is rarely sold through direct orders, but it is more delicious than canned asparagus. A full canned charcuterie board with Cougar Gold, tinned salami, and canned brown bread will be an upscale option for the average prepper (Cleve, take notes).
Just like in pre-apocalypse life, material conditions impact your food situation. If you have a billion bunker, it can be stocked with billionaire-quality canned goods. Canned truffles, thousand-dollar canned fish, and caviar keep wealthy preppers’ pantries stocked instead of rice and peanut butter. For the rest of us, nutrient-dense, plentiful foods only. If your bunker is too small to cook a whole meal, or you are too lazy in your post-apocalypse haze, whole canned meals are already an option. Sweet Sue makes a whole canned chicken, and canned grilled cheese is also available. MREs or “meals ready to eat” have long been a military staple. The most interesting of the bunch is German company Trekking Mahlzeiten, who has a wonderful canned cheeseburger for your consumption. No reheating or cooking required (although the company does recommend throwing the whole can in some boiling water for a little bit to warm up the burger), just open up the can and chow down on the highly processed meal.
Maybe some biologist will break some magic hydroponic code and give me argula while I waste away in my underground bunker, but it looks like it’s coming up sodium. Luckily, at this point most food that can be canned and preserved has been. While there will be no more renewable supplies of food, lots of the past will come with us in salty solutions in jars. A whole industry has been made around prepper food, and you can buy kits online that are priced in the amount of days that much food will feed you. In apocalyptic times, food will be a simple commodity and a way to get by. In any dire situation, food becomes little more than nutrients and calories. The little variety that is left will likely be coveted, and there’s only so much caviar to go around. White rice gets old quick and who knows, one day the most valuable thing in the world may be a Trekking Mahlzeiten burger, warmed up in boiling water.
