With the whole tariff fiasco still on-going, it is apparent that the new administration has little regard for where and what they put tariffs on. This includes places that no sane man would ever set foot, such as the Penguin-controlled Heard Island and McDonald Islands. Not only is it barely touched by mankind, but birds who do live free from politics simply do not deserve this. If they are under threat, then any avian within sight is at risk, with the trend suggesting that Ducks may be next on the menu.

Should the Duck populations of America be targeted by the reckless and short-sighted tariffs, Walla Walla will be in deep trouble. The Avian politics surrounding this city, while often understated, is a pivotal part of Walla Walla’s economy, as it is for much of Washington. Duck Ponds, Duck Shoes, Duck Whistles, Duck Cars, Duck Homes, Duck Food Marts; all these now under potential threat should this nightmare come to pass.

“We won’t stand for this!” an anonymous protestor from Whitman said to The Wire. “The tariffs have already done enough damage to our society. The Bread and Circuses are too expensive, and our waterfowl friends who live off of the bread we leave behind will starve if we let this continue.”

The responses against this impending threat have brought out unprecedented actions across the world, including in this corner. Just recently, the Washington Waterfowl Worker’s Union and the Greater Geese Industrial Union have, for the first time in a century, collectively agreed to oppose any tariff on their members. Although tensions of Magpie Goose immigration remain a tense subject for both, this declaration is still a big step forward for their cause.

We’ve already seen many millions of people march against the acts of the administration for this whole pile of problems. It is time that those who support the rights of all waterfowl join in on this grave matter. All hands, feet and wings must contribute to protect our feathered friends of the ponds and the sky. Hands off our Ducks!