The happy and spooky times of Halloween have gone and passed by us at the Wire once more. Treats were shared, costumes admired and we were definitely not hyper fixated on other unrelated things. An overall successful holiday for all of us, but one that for some has yet to completely pass out of vision. This seems especially so for the sudden emergence of the undead throughout Whitman College.

In the late hours and days following Halloween, several students and faculty members have spoken of seeing skeletons walking around. Some creep in the darkness, while others clatter about in broad daylight. All of this has sparked intense suspicion, amusement and of course confusion upon all who witness this sight.

“For a moment I thought I was just having my leg pulled,” an anonymous witness said in an interview with The Wire on their own experience. “But then I saw that the skeleton before me was pulling their own leg off in front of my eyes! Goodness, I nearly fainted at the sight.”

For all the fright they have evoked however, these skeletons meander about, dancing, clattering, trying (and failing) to drink milk. The majority of them carry no weapons originating from any known dungeons, and they seem to be made of plastic rather than any metal. Some of us in The Wire have suggested that they may in fact be contractors hired by Walmart to serve as part of their Labyrinth initiative disclosed in our last issue.

However, upon interviewing one of the few skeletons able to talk, we found that their goals seem to be counter to that of any megacorp. This skeleton, identifying as Mr. Rattleton, had this to say on their own emergence.

“We’re here on a shivering protest!” He said. “A protest against the encroachment of Christmas on what is rightfully our day! Nyeh heh heh!”

At the moment, we are unable to confirm if this view is shared by all the skeletons sighted so far. However, The Wire shall continue to monitor their appearances, as well as any conflicts of interests that arise from this grave.