Have you ever experienced love? Well I have. I am here to tell you it is extraterrestrial in origin. Looking back on it, I feel silly, the signs were everywhere– the use of third person all the time, strange calls to “the mothership” pointing at pets and asking if they were edible. But alas, I was clueless as love is a powerful distraction. Yet my suspicions began when my crush said they wanted to experience a “real earth date.” I know, I know, people say that all the time! But let me tell you, something about the way they said it… and I guess the way their antennae slightly poked out of their hair. 

When I confronted them about their unique mannerisms they admitted that they were, in fact, an alien sent from their home planet to better understand human love. I learned that love was an alien concept to the aliens (pardon my pun). Despite the pain I felt realizing my love was one-sided and that I was being used as a science experiment instead of a romantic partner, I decided to share what I know so you do not have to share my fate. 

My tips for finding out if your love interest is from this solar system or not go as follows. 

1. When talking to them about astronomy or the stars, they have a faraway look in their eyes, one filled with longing.
2. They will point at everyday objects and say “How would one of you humans use that”
3. They are constantly taking notes when you are with them and ask questions like “What does love feel like? And “Are you in love yet?”

Now these aren’t the only signs of an alien but I’m sure you can figure out the rest if you look for these three things. Well that’s all, I gotta leave now for my hot date with Glee Glorb…. Oh wait a second.