The Associated Students of Whitman College (ASWC) have recently announced their efforts to lend their support in a recently developing situation for Walla Walla. They have spoken out that they have unanimously agreed to petition for the approval of employing Capybaras for student therapy on campus. Here is what you need to know, granted to you by The Wire.
The move comes out in the midst of state-wide activism for the recognition of workers’ rights of the often neglected Capybara population of Washington. This, alongside recent studies suggesting Capybaras increase mental health by 101 percent, have invoked a wave of local laws being passed in approval of Capybara employment in these relevant positions. However, due to a sudden increase in tumbleweeds blocking off many local ballot buildings, the passing of legislature in Walla Walla is significantly slower.
An ASWC representative spoke to The Wire on how their actions are helping to circumvent the usual lethargy of local ballots.
“The situation otherwise is unsustainable,” they said. “If our efforts succeed, we’ll be taking out two birds with one stone.”
The two birds they refer to are the following:
Firstly being the rising rates of depression and apathy among students, who lack motivation and are distracted by electronics and are suffering in numerous ways. With the implementation of Capybaras, student productivity will without a doubt rise and the only distractions worth considering will be our furry friends.
Secondly being the local Capybara employment crisis, which is especially severe in Walla Walla. A report from the Allied Society of Washington Capybaras (also known as ASWC, don’t get it mixed up) states that one out of every one Capybaras is unemployed in Walla Walla. The move by ASWC supported by ASWC is seen as a major step in combating this issue.
The Wire also sent out interviewers to an ASWC representative, however all that we received were a few odd sounds and opportunities for chin scratches. Either way, The Wire lends its full support to the equity, freedom and eventual world domination of these rodents of unusual size.
